Peace upon ye and all your kin. ☘️
I was thinking about dragon. Because there's dinosaur. 🤔
We will see how batding is born in this.
The Word "Dinosaur"
It was coined by, you bet that right, Sir Richard Owen — in 1842. He was a British biologist and comparative anatomist. It was during the "British Association for the Advancement of Science" venue.
The term was nicked from the Greek, obviously.
Deinos (ΔΕΙΝΟΣ or δεινός) = terrible, fearsome, mighty.
Saurus (ΣΑΥΡΟΣ or σαῦρος) = lizard, reptile.
So if we're going full Greek revival:
ΔΕΙΝΟΣΑΥΡΟΣ or δεινόσαυρος = deinosaurus ➡️ dinosauria ➡️ dinosaur ➡️ dino ➡️ batding ✨
Owen was examining some very large, fragmented fossil bones. To group them together as a new "superorder" of extinct reptiles, he made up this scientific umbrella term. He wanted to impress the public and fund his museum projects. And oh boy, it worked. He wrote 🎺🎺🎺:
I propose for such grand saurians the name Dinosauria.
And with that, a whole kingdom of thunder-beasts was born — all without ever finding a complete skeleton.
Absolute salesmanship. Bloke was pitching a Victorian cinematic universe.
The Novel Connection
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's "The Lost World" (1912). It was the origin rocket. 🚀
The first and sky-rocketed literature in entertainment about dinosaur (or batding). Then people followed the trails.
Oh, we peasants have processing units. But we just shrugged it off.
Eh now, sure... one more thing, so. I've the hens need feedin', y'know yerself. Moustache.
The Batding
Batding sounds like some kind of midnight bog creature.
Aye, it wasn't a dinosaur, no — it was a batding. Flew right at me granddad's face. Took his hat and trousers. Blimey.
Other said,
Me da' always said never whistle past the marsh after dusk... or the batding'll get ye.
What in the name of a working brain is a batding? Sounds a bit scientific though. A bit. Please say yes or the batding'll get ye.
It's not peer-reviewed, it's fear-reviewed.
Batding'll nick yer keks if ye don't shut yer gob. 💀
(🔬 Ethically Reviewed by the Society of Goblins ⚖️✅)
The Coin 🪙
Thus all came from the same main isle.
- Coin the term.
- Sell the fantasy.
- Write the fiction.
- Build the museums.
- And somehow... never question the plot holes. 🤔 Indeed.
The Dragon 🐉
Prior batding, there was this mythical creature called the dragon. Everyone in the world seemed to see them and put them as their symbols. They literally observed them, not allegorically or other -ally.
It's like this:
(World.) We saw 'em.
(Modern.) No, you didn't.
(World.) 🤷 No, we didn't.
"Prior batding", as though batding were a geological epoch.
Mesozoic ➡️ Cenozoic ➡️ Post-Batding Era ☠️
Let me pause the jest for a bit and continue.
Some prominent nations or cultures exhibit:
-
China The long (龍): imperial symbol of power, order, and divine right. Often seen clutching a flaming pearl. Not to be confused with Western winged types.
Dragon stance in kung fu (especially Shaolin): Dragon Style (Lung Ying 龍形) Originating in Southern Chinese martial arts — notably Fujian Shaolin. Practised by Southern Shaolin monks and stylists like Lam Yiu Gwai (in the 20th century), but its roots are cloaked in... well, Shaolin smoke. 🧘 -
Bhutan Druk Yul: Land of the Thunder Dragon. The white dragon on its flag holds jewels — wealth and protection. -
Vietnam The dragon (rồng) is an ancestral totem. The Vietnamese people are said to descend from a dragon father and fairy mother. -
Wales (UK) Y Ddraig Goch (The Red Dragon), flag icon since at least the 15th century. Represents fierce resistance (and possibly a recycled Roman draco standard.) -
Medieval/Heraldic Europe House banners, crests, and crowns. The dragon as a symbol of might, danger, and divine foes (often slain by saints). -
Serbia, Georgia, Russia, and various Eastern Orthodox They use emblems contain dragons or wyverns as part of Saint George's lore. Saint George: The Roman-Briton Turned Dragon-Slaying Saint Though not British himself, George became the patron saint of England. He was a Roman soldier, high-ranking officer under Emperor Diocletian (3rd century AD). He refused to persecute Christians. Got martyred. Instant legend status. His dragon-slaying legend (popularised during the Crusades) fit perfectly with medieval English ideals of Christian virtue beating chaos. He was adopted officially as England's patron saint by the 14th century, under Edward III, who made him the symbol of the Order of the Garter. You'll find loads of statues of Saint George in Britain, often in cathedrals, public squares, and even pub signs. Example, St. George and the Dragon statue at St John's Wood, London (near Lord's cricket ground). "George" doesn't quite march in line with Marcus, Gaius, or Flavius. The name George comes from the Greek Γεώργιος (Geōrgios), meaning farmer or earth-worker, from γῆ (gē) "earth" and ἔργον (ergon) "work". So, it was originally the bloke who tills the soil, not quite the dragon-thrashing icon we've come to know. Now, in Roman context — particularly a Greek-speaking Eastern Roman (Byzantine) realm — it makes more sense. Saint George was supposedly from Cappadocia, a region in Asia Minor (modern-day Turkey), heavily Hellenised and later Romanised. So Greek name + Roman soldier = plausible hybrid identity. Hence, not Gaius Georgius Maximus, but just Geōrgios, which was transliterated to George later by Latin scribes and eventually Old English chroniclers. -
Africa From the ancient lands of Ethiopia to the valleys of the Congo, tales of giant serpents and fire-breathing beasts abound. The Dahomey people spoke of Aido-Hwedo, a cosmic serpent who carried the world in its coils. Not malevolent, mind — just colossal and serpentine, a proper celestial infrastructure beast. In the Sahara and Sahel, stories from the Berber and Tuareg peoples recount massive winged serpents lurking in remote canyons — guardians of forgotten oases or banes. -
Middle East Back when Babylon was still in its prime, the Mušḫuššu ( 𒈲𒄭𒄊𒍣, "Furious Snake") was the symbolic beast of Marduk — the chief deity.In Arabian lore, Tannin or Tanīn (تَنِّين) — a fire-breathing serpent — shows up in pre-Islamic and early Islamic texts, sometimes as a creation of God to test or punish. -
Bible & Torah / Tanakh: The Dragon in Scripture Dragons in here are depicted as unfriendly creatures, the adversaries. -
More Nāga — Naga (Indonesia, same root as India). Vritra, a dragon-serpent, called the drought demon. Ryū (竜 / 龍) — Japan, inspired by the Chinese variant. And so forth.
Dragons appear in lore across the world not as metaphors, but as creatures once known. From Africa to the Middle East, India to the Far East, they weren't symbols — they were beings. Described plainly, reverently, sometimes fearfully, but always as real.
But of course, we can always pretend that never happened. 🍺
Wyvern and Dragon
The difference between a wyvern and a dragon:
-
Wyvern Two legs and two wings: four-limbed.
Not breathing fire, just breathing.
Simply a lean, agile beast, not chatty or even gossipy like some dragons. Sky predator.
-
Dragon Four legs and two wings: six-limbed.
Often breaths fire.
A sentient, tank-like, massive creature. Regal, ancient, sometimes divine.
Wyvern = vicious flying lizard who eats you mid-sentence.
Dragon = classy sorcerer-knight who might eat you after reciting poetry.
Dragons get statues. Wyverns get hunted. Well, wyverns' lack of social grace and face-chewing reflex should justify that.
Metaphor / Allegory Bit
As such:
- "The dragon represents the subconscious."
- "Actually, it's a metaphor for imperial tyranny."
- "You see, the maiden is fertility, and George is the civilising force..." Right. And milk is oppression.
Thing is, the same people who reduce dragons to mere metaphors also believe that dinosaurs roamed millions of years ago, but somehow no old cultures ever carved a single T-Rex until they were shown fossils in modern museums. Curious, that.
But indeed! According to the royals:
65 million years ago, dinosaurs perished.
2 million years ago, the Homo thingy learned to bang rocks.
10,000 years ago, he accidentally invented bread.
Then finally, the iPhone.
Meanwhile, every culture:
- Painted dragons, not "raptors".
- Feared serpent kings, not "migratory feathered reptiles".
- Sang songs of winged fire-breathers, not prehistoric climate collapse.
So if humans didn't exist back then… who documented all those bloody dragons? Bob the Martian sketch artists?
And of course, the FLAGEN FLIEGEN tactic:
- Say "millions of years ago".
- Claim nothing before 4000 BC was written.
- Dismiss every cultural testimony as myth, unless carbon-dated by the royal guild of lab-coat acolytes.
Absolute genius.
But unfortunately, we peasants remember. Not from scrolls, but from stories, instincts, and granny's wall carvings.
But… the Fossils!
🤦♂️☠️
Nothing says empirical science like:
We found a jaw fragment the size of a thumbnail and reconstructed a 40-foot feathered dinosaur with mating habits and a favourite colour.
Mate, they always go:
- "You see this curved rock? Clearly, a prehistoric lizard with a flatulence-powered glider sac."
- "This femur? Tells us it lived 122 million years ago, enjoyed mangoes, and sang lullabies." BLIMEY, DID IT?
Fossil reality check:
-
Fossil literally means dug up. Latin: fossilis ➡️ "dug up". From the verb fodere ➡️ "to dig". Past participle stem: foss- Could be bones, shells, leaves, anything. - The problem with fossil is that most are fragments. The rest is speculation with plaster and PowerPoint.
Remember once they showed photos of a digging site — with the fossil was a perfect plonker? I mean intact. Can you imagine how very selective the air, water, scavengers, and such in that particular place? And they always have that bit, "This will rewrite the evolutionary timeline." Blimey. If I bury a chicken today, even in ideal soil, in 10 years it's either dust, mush, or stolen by dogs. But their chicken? Stays intact for "100 million".
And here's the kicker:
- Ancient cultures called them "dragon bones" and used them in medicine. Precisely that.
- The Chinese literally ground them up and prescribed them.
- Europeans thought they were giant's bones, buried post-Deluge (the biblical flood — recorded in Genesis 6–8).
Yet now:
No no, peasants were wrong. It wasn't a dragon. It was a vegetarian theropod with feathers... that couldn't fly... but looked like a bird... and growled.
Right. And any goat can do calculus.
Meanwhile, dragons are consistent across cultures: move, breathe, roar, and terrify. And they were described by people who could still describe their breakfast.
Kung Fu Style
Mate, we can't just imagine a being and adopt a bloody fiction as a working kung fu style. There's no unicorn style. Shaolin monks didn't copy the form of metaphor to knock out bandits. What? An exception?
(Master Po.) Grasshopper, practice your dragon style.
(Kwai Chang Caine.) (Sits on a stool. Thinker pose.)
(Master Po.) That's enough, grasshopper. Now, bring me lots of honey and candybars.
(Kwai Chang Caine.) Master, but your cataracts!
(Master Po.) (Sighs.) If you can give me insulin shot without waking me up, then you'll be allowed to practice the dragon style again. Good. Luck.
(Kwai Chang Caine.) 👀
Radiocarbon Dating
As if we're having dinner with radiocarbon.
It's the method used to determine the age of organic materials — wood, bone, cloth — based on how much carbon-14 (¹⁴C) is left in the sample.
The theory (and not theorem) goes like this:
We know how fast carbon-14 decays. If half of it's gone, it must be X years old.
The half-life of radiocarbon is 5,730 ± 40 years. ☠️
Here's how they "measured" it:
-
Short-term decay experiments: - They measure decay rates over a few years, or even days.
- Then they extrapolate that curve mathematically over thousands of years.
That's like observing a candle for 10 seconds and declaring how long it will burn over 3 days... even while wind, humidity, rats, and your uncle's elbow knock it about. -
"Cross-verification": They "verify" the decay rate by comparing it to tree rings (dendrochronology), coral, lake sediment, etc. But those "controls" are also dated by guesswork and assumptions, not clocks. So it's circular — a feedback loop of confidence, not certainty. -
Faith in uniformitarianism: The belief that decay rates never change. They say the radiation exposure has been constant for 50,000 years.
They build their timeline on this:
- We assume the original
¹⁴Clevel was constant. - We assume no contamination occurred.
- We assume the decay rate is universal and unaffected.
- We assume our calibration method is correct.
- We assume the sample is representative.
That's not science — that's Assumption Jenga. 🤷
One dodgy block — one solar flare, volcano, or goat sneeze in history — and the numbers slide into fantasyland faster than a batding chasing trousers.
It's not about "knowing" — it's about accepting a model and building everything on top of it.
Oh, batding. Care for one? Batding'll get ye.
16th Century Onward: From Late Renaissance to Early Enlightenment
The rewriting. The "let us replace myth with method" movement.
- 1543: Copernicus' De Revolutionibus repositions the Earth.
- 1650s–1700s: Royal Society forms, Baconian empiricism rises.
-
1760s onward: Natural history books begin rationalising dragons as... - Crocodile misidentifications
- Whale bones
- Exaggerated travellers' tales
Meanwhile, fossils found (which had long been called "dragon bones" in China, "giant bones" in Europe) are reclassified as:
Dinosaurs, coined in 1842 by Richard Owen.
No wonder so much epic music emerged from the 16th century onward.
Printing press = musical inflation.
Circa 1440 (in Mainz, Germany), Johannes Gutenberg's invention of the movable-type printing press ➡️ 1500s: sheet music gets printed en masse. ➡️ Result: a manufactured explosion of "refined" musical culture.
It was a beautiful noise to hide the noise of shovels.
Key features:
- A deliberate shift from divine cosmology to rational materialism.
- Dragons became dinosaurs, fairytales became fossils.
- Giants turned into hominids, and all folklore was boxed into anthropology.
And thus:
The dragon was not slain, merely rebranded.
As batding.
In a Conversation
(Bloke A.) (Sits.) Oi oi oi, mates. Did you see that movie about batdings?
(Everyone else besides Bloke A.) What?
(Bloke A.) Oui, it had batdings screaming and devouring trousers.
(Everyone else besides Bloke A.) What?!
(Bloke A.) Ja, the film wasn't that good. I mean then people wore no trousers in it.
(Everyone else besides Bloke A.) What?!?!
Batding 👖Rated T for Trousers.
Batding: The Theme
BATDINGE♭ minor.
Lyrics:
Aaaaaaah 🎵
Aaaaaaah 🎵
Then what justice is left for the wise to rob? 🎵
🎸🎹
Batding'll nick yer keks if ye don't shut yer gob. 🎵
🎸🎹
Aaaaaaah 🎵
Aaaaaaah 🎵
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