Monkey Raptor and Port Raptor are blogs made by MonkeyRaptor ⬅️ Notice how peculiar this lad is.
🐒🪛 Monkey Raptor
Monkey Raptor consists of methods and tips in mathematics and programming (JavaScript mostly). We can also find posts about English terms, entertainment-related bits, Blogger XML tips, exquisite matters, history, bewilderments, and more other fascinating materials.
🦅⚓ Port Raptor
Port Raptor consists of frontend tools we can all use for free.
Raptor
It refers to the birds... of prey. I am truly amazed by their visions (sights), thus I use the term to honour their traits.
Originally, "raptor" comes from Latin raptor, meaning "plunderer" or "thief", from rapere, "to seize or grab". It was used historically to refer to any flying, feathered assassin with talons: eagles, hawks, owls, falcons, etc.
Monkey
Well, like us, they are cheeky at times and unlike us, they are brilliant climbers by design. But, none of that banana nonsense. And no, we won't slip on a banana peel that easy.
Port
Because it is the harbour of tól.
See, in French it is port d'outils.
It sounds "pork duty". Well, it does. Try saying it. Port d'outils, in Jean-Claude accent.
🐷 Pork's commitment is to serve us delicacy and fullness of the belly, assuming it is not haram or treif in your schema.
This derailment is intended by the Guardians of the Forbidden Meal.
The honourable guardians consist of a confused Jean-Claude, an imam, and a rabbi. Together they guard the sacred table against gastronomic blasphemy, mistranslation, and any mention of sausage rolls. "Halt!", one of them probably would say. Assuming they all speak English. Oh alright, "Waqfa la'atzor arrêt!" — that's plenty.
Off Topic
Did you know "Van Damme" is Flemish? A French would not have "van" anything.
JCVD was my role model in my taekwondo drills back then.
Oh indeed, I was a kicking-punching-throwing athlete. Consistently, inside the arena. I'm rather composed outside the arena, until I'm not.
But hey, I almost impaled my own crotch when jumping over a fence with those pointy ends, spear-like? Hm. Blimey! 🤦♂️ The fence said, Oi lad, next time, open gate you must. I'll be here most of the times. 🤔 Parkour just sighed and shook its imaginary head.
I also punched concretes and slates — repeatedly, no wraps — because I was a raging muppet. ⬅️ This was when I "joined" Kyokushin karate. Oh bye bricks, level up. My knuckles are a bit sideways now. 🤷 Physics.
Oh, one lad did it even more eccentrically than me. He put iron sand inside his thick gunny-sack punching bag. Now that, was... Oh. ⬅️ No other proper response than OH. When there's steel-automatons riot, he'll be the first to break 'em. Oi, microwave! 💥 (Disassembled.)
Once, I got mixed up in taekwondo competition area. I did one-two combo (roundhouse-jab), because I forgot I was doing taekwondo.
Your Honour, I forgot.
Oh, you did? Well, here's a gavel. I forgot I'm a judge. Oops, I throw a gavel. At you.
My opponent got KO'd because of my gyaku-zuki to the temple. Lucky it was a graze from my thumb joint — though it was a proper guided missile, only the thumb joint landed. The sabeoms gasped and bloody yelled at me. 100 push-ups didn't wake him. 105 did. Everyone then, Oh... that is... illegal. Thumb? Or push-up necromancy? 🤷♂️
My inspiration came from Bloodsport (1988). The film had that unexplainable unique quality.
To a ballerina, doing those splits would be regular. But to a naturally stiff-tendons owner like me, that was super.
Not to mention his story, running from school to dojo? (JCVD.) Oh, I didn't take the bus, I ran to dojo after school. By golly, such dedication. To a runner, that would be regular. But to me, it was a fantastic approach on using the legs.
I didn't actually run from school to dojang, because I was quite... lazy. 🤦
May selective laziness give us a proper nod. (Nod.)
Dojo = Japanese term for a room or hall in which martial arts are practiced.
Dojang = Korean term for dojo.
I mostly did taekwondo back then, hence "dojang". My Kyokushin dojo was mostly the outdoors. Until I joined kenpō and, later on in college, aikido.
Oh, that kenpō senpai back then. 🤦♂️ Bloke challenged me in a "duel" because he knew I was skilled in "other than kenpō". To him, Nobody beats kenpō! Oh? I just want to learn new forms. It wasn't the kenpō he represented at all. 🤦♂️ And the legend of holding back kicks and punches so that somebody won't be ashamed. 🤷 Quite hard, that. Looking at open-wide chin and jaw targets. It was a spiritual test chamber. Restraint is tough, mate. I needed to make the bloke "look good" in front of the students, aye? Oh, that. Was... the true test. I passed that. Perhaps I got an A++ for stopping reflex-kicks and F for enthusiasm.
Van = from, that's Dutch. Van Damme = from Damme (a city located in the Belgian province of West Flanders).
If he were an actual French, he would be Jean-Claude de Damme.
Similar to John George from Guangzhou.
But never William Hindquarters from Porkhill Manor, ever.
Being the official "Warden of the Baconshire Pastures with Dashing Posterior" doesn't make it fine to anyone, still — I assume.
So, there. Long live Belgium 🇧🇪 and their splendid books of comics.
I enjoy being imaginatively funny — I imagine my bits are funny, hence imaginatively.
I aim for each post to inform and engage, conveying substantial knowledge with concise and amusing explanations.
Unless it isn't.
Style
I tend to wander away with the side notes and imaginary dialogues because this isn't IEEE paper with citations. This isn't even written on a paper — material manufactured in thin sheets from the pulp of wood or other fibrous substances, used for writing, drawing, or printing on, or as wrapping material.
Can you imagine an IEEE paper about low-cost agricultural monitoring with wireless nodes using ATMega microcontrollers showing a camel toe? What does that even mean? Look at me, I soldered a toe from a camel onto the casing of that cockroach-shaped ATMega. That's how Atlantis got its legend. [R.E.J.E.C.T.E.D]
About the multi-language hiccups, I hope that won't be an inconvenience. Rather, a great way to broaden our linguistic knowledge in a drunk-controlled presentation. 🍻
MonkeyRaptor is the nom de plume of Johan Paul.
Sharing a name with Johan Paul van Limburg Stirum — statesman, Governor-General, and the OG "JP" who ran Java before it was a programming language, then popped over to Britain to teach the English how to pronounce Dutch without choking.
Johan Paul, graaf van Limburg Stirum would either chuckle in his velvet armchair or have me exiled to the Pacific. Usually both.
Zeer goed... but watch your tone, jongeman.
Absolutely, Your Excellency. Mijnheer de Graaf, with all due respect, I do hope the Pacific exile comes with coconuts and WiFi. 😌
Hm. (A long sigh through his moustache.) Nee.
That's exactly how a stern Dutch count would dismiss a coconut-WiFi plea.
Monkey Raptor and Port Raptor URLs are subdomains of the root johanpaul.net.
I, MonkeyRaptor, implement Cloudflare's proxy for HTTP traffic monitoring & shielding and Real User Monitoring (RUM) for visitors analytics.
Monkey Raptor is implementing Google AdSense. Think of it like a pub with two customers and a dim-lit neon box humming in the corner.
These blogs are powered by Blogger. 🏆
This is how I migrated Monkey Raptor and Port Raptor to this latest V.2 environments. Prior blogs were on Blogger, thus the migration was done on Blogger. My description is like that hydrochloric acid, isn't it? Redundancy at its finest form.