The Girl Who Replied to the Prince of Nigeria

Once there was a girl named Elsie, who received a curious letter — not by post, but through the shimmering scroll of her inbox. It was from a prince, exiled and alone, trapped with seventeen million dollars and no one to trust. Moved by noble compassion (and mild curiosity), Elsie replied with her full name, bank details, and a JPEG of her cat 🐈

He seemed so polite, she later said. He even used full sentences — none of that lol nonsense.

But alas! The moment she clicked Send, her screen flickered. Her icons rearranged themselves. Her fonts turned to Comic Sans. And deep within the motherboard, a voice whispered, Your inheritance is processing... — like waiting for a completion with a progress bar stuck at 98% endlessly.

Oh, let's make it as a theatrical description — tis like waiting at the edge of salvation, whilst the bar of progress halts; ninety-eight percent, ever taunting, never moving, a silent sentinel of false hope 🎭

Elsie was never seen online again. Some say she wanders the forums still, promising others riches if only they would verify their PayPal account — false emails, bearing PayPal’s sacred banner; yet crafted in the deepest pits of deceit, where scammers dwell and ethics.... leave the room 🎭

And so people are warned:

✅ Never reply to exiled royalties from anywhere around the world bearing wealth. Their kingdoms are spam, their crowns made of malware.

With upcoming unreleased digital bedtime series by gremlin-wise writer, copyright free.
In tune with the bloke who started the tale of a trapped Nigerian Prince yet digitally savvy, "Dearest esteemed beneficiary, I write to thee with most urgent confidential..."
And certainly, one frequency with the infamous shady Microsoft-person legend, "I work for Microsoft, pay me in Bitcoin or I shall release the footage of... 🤔 a penguin in a desert wearing upside-down pants."
Here's the list of the unreleased series:

🔐 The Old Woman Who Entered Her Password Incorrectly Thrice
📜 The Scroll That Would Not End
🖨️ The Printer That Demanded Blood (Magenta Only)
⚠️ 404: The Lost Path
Finally... ❌ The Browser That Would Not Close

Bonus 🍺

Let's combine the Nigerian Prince and Microsoft employee bits.

A Microsoft tech person which is a Nigerian Prince trapped his fund in user's system cache because of a glitch-incident in AI sensor mechanism.

Dear Most Trustworthy Esteemed Sir/Madam,
I am Prince Adekunle Obafemi, a certified Senior Security Engineer at Microsoft's Royal Division. During a routine inspection of your webcam firmware, I have accidentally trapped my trust fund, including millions of United States Dollar and several cryptocurrency coin, within your local cache system.
I have also recorded you during confidential moment with a penguin in a desert wearing upside-down legwear using advanced Microsoft proprietary AI motion capture.
Kindly send 750 USD via Western Union or the footage shall be delivered to your Pastor, employer, and ancestral WhatsApp group.
— Prince Adekunle Obafemi 👑 Division of Royal Jelly

We would think, oh, so he had a glitch... But why did he record me? Was the glitch caused by him recording me? That is comedy right there.

Webcam firmware routine inspection? That's centralised, really? How about my processor and haircut?

How did he bypass the browser restrictions and Windows firewall without me noticing?

Why did he connect his digital fund to the system anyway? What is this? Interpretative monologue?

What penguin? I can't wear pants upside-down, how does that go? I had confidential moments now? I didn't bring my desktop to the sewer.

There's a what now division at Microsoft? He's a Nigerian royalty? What is happening... 🫠

Oh well, off to the bin you go (DELETE 🗑️ click — 📨 plunges into the abyss)

Curtain Close

(🎹 Intro) (Cardio-aerobics with all-white aerobic-wear on a pier on a bright day) You tell me you're in love with me... (Carries on the aerobics) ... (Scene changes to a random chap with a canine wandering on the beach) ... (Scene changes to her being under the pier) ... (More aerobics with melancholic lyrics accompanied by teen confession lament groove) Britney Spears - Sometimes

A zoomed-in bear eyes 👀 — spontaneously possessed by the Data Goblin 👺 — invalid SSL certificates in synaptic-network ERR_CONNECTION_CLOSED invites the netherweb ferocious being.

Britney Spears 🇺🇸 is an implicit Brit's Shakespeare 🇬🇧

Henceforth, all references to her in academia shall read:

Lady Britney of the House Spears, Patron Saint of Interpretative Sadness.

🏆 Outstanding Lifetime Achievement in Pier-Based Emotional Aerobics.

📜 The Whisper

If the wind sighs just right... If your shoelaces are loose and your lip trembles slightly... Lady Britney awaits beneath the pier.

Last modified on 2025-04-16T08:15:58-07:00

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