I watched the TV series because of Adrian Paul. He did marvelously in the series no doubt.
But then...
I watched the movie and realized something 🤔
There was that Juan Sánchez-Villalobos Ramírez character played by Sir Sean Connery.
2,000+ years Egyptian-born immortal which takes a Spanish name, speaks with a full Scottish accent, never set foot in Scotland 🤷, wields a Japanese katana 🤨, trains a Scottish Highlander how to fight, dies dramatically because... There can be only one! 🤯
One? Indeed that is one party of a character.
Now we'd think the one which was an actual Scottish would play, you know, as an actual Scottish. But that would not be Hollywood without the ethnic roulette and convolution. Creativity.
Like casting Tom Hanks for The Da Vinci Code 🕵️
Or, the Witcher ⚔️👻🧟🧙 series on Netflix. Actually, to me, Geralt of Rivia character got an upgrade with Henry Cavill playing the role. Henry probably was like, (grunting) Well then… seems the part is mine. And people, like me, Ohoho! 🕺 The astounding ethnic roulette for the other main characters was manageable because they (the talents) did deliver transcendent performance, a distinguished ensemble of immense talent 🎭 I might say. But, you know 😂 that — with a nonlinear narrative that wandered as if guided by a tipsy bard with no map.
🤔 I suppose it was deliberate after observing the patterns in many Hollywood productions.
🧠 Hollywood 101: that.
Let's further elaborate that specifically for Highlander (1986).
The character Juan Ramírez is as such in my opinion:
Oh, that's a peanut butter, but the butter was made of a mushed lipstick, and guess what, there's a cow in it, then the peanuts were pooped by a stork. Stork cannot eat peanuts, but it insisted to have some.
Computation aborted.
Katana
The katana... Did you know that katana was invented 13th-14th century AD in Japan, and the bloke was born in 896 BC (as per Highlander lore)?
And he was never anywhere near Japan, ever. Egypt, Spain — neither one is near Japan. Perhaps they meant Egypt, Nagoya. Like, an outhouse somewhere in Nagoya. Nagoya, California, US.
Imagine how the first samurai meeting him, carrying extra katanas, and like:
Mate, this is good, try one.
Oi, kore ī zo. Ichido tameshite miro.
That would never happen, ever. Samurais are not known for selling goods, especially their prized weapon, or being persuasive in general.
Well, assuming the sales were made by a samurai... 😂
And how even a katana sales force from Japan wandered to either Europe or North Africa?
That would be either some intense sake or really aggressive marketing scheme skipping continents like that. And very specific, mind you.
So before katana was invented, he flung rocks to people?
| Thutmose | : |
|
| Ramírez | : |
|
| Thutmose | : |
|
| Ramírez | : |
|
| Thutmose | : |
|
| Ramírez | : |
|
In that setting, they talked in uttered hieroglyph — ancient Egypt-glyph — translated to English. By me.
In ancient Egypt, it's called public bathroom fight. Similar to modern Egyptian would call that.
Historically, metallurgy was already common in that period of time in ancient Egypt. So there were swords, spears, and all metal-sharpies. But for the sake (pun intended) of me, Ramírez flung rocks before he knew katana. The katana-wielding, Egyptian-born, Spanish-name, Scottish-accent Ramírez.
Telekinesis™
Quickening ⚡🌩️ is ultra high-speed wireless data transfer in the lore. Up to 1,000 TBps I assume. Considering the entirety of one immortal's life experience and knowledge.
The Immortality
With no requirement for nutrition, why didn't at least one of them immortals pile up gold and other riches? (Coherence leaves the building)
They surely can become total swaggers if they chose to. The obvious one is bank's "percentage amount paid for holding money in a savings account or deposit". Or, probably they put their money under the bed 🤔
Imagine the status, nobody could be suspicious because everybody around the character was paid $1 per second to whistle. It would be a symphony of loud whistles no one dares to question. (Non-whistler people) Oh (moving along 🚶➡️🚶♀️➡️).
And speaking of the medieval method as the victory condition in the lore. The shows (movies and TV series) were in 90s. There should be at least cannon and Bazooka. Cannon like M230 30mm chain gun perhaps.
No sword can withstand... any of those mentioned previously.
Proof
Suppose one Boeing AH-64 Apache starts chugging 30mm explosive projectiles from its wondrous M230 chain gun... and at the projectiles receiving part, a confident fellow is doing anime helicopter sword acrobat... well, unless the acrobat involves moving away 1 mile in split millisecond...
Bazooka launcher, with proper ammunition and a good aim — an anti-tank appliance by design, will indubitably be proven as well.
The Gathering is coming! (One clever and prepared immortal) Certainly, I have this red button 🚨
No need for alley swords clinging. Well, for formalities, sure. Carry one sword, two Bazooka launchers, 8 rockets.
Who enforced the rules? There's no enforcer, right? There can be only one! One who can... strategize.
Ashes and craters is the way 🤣
The Arithmetic
The TV show was aired from 1992 until 1998.
In every episode of Highlander, there was that I was born 400 years ago... opening speech.
Even though one year had passed, still, 400 years. Two years, 400 years, three, 400, and so forth.
I was born
401 years, 3 months, and 2 days ago
in the Highlands of the hills.
I am IMMORTAL
and I am not alone.
Bazookas and M230 are my teammates.
Screw you all, fight me.
Would not be friendly to regular audience. It sounds like a bizzare wrestling challenge which is started by a curious precision, then suddenly becomes oddly hazy.
Not to mention Duncan would flail randomly every time with lethal weaponries.
That would be unwatchable... Without chocolate biscuits. Chocolate biscuits.
But it is quite good and catchy for its revival:
HIGHLANDER: MODERN WARFARE SMACKDOWN EDITION
How About Connor?
To me, Connor looked like a Norseman. Well... I suppose I need to debug my perception.
Oh wait, in the lore, he's a Scotsman. That is intriguing 🤔 Because I didn't notice any Scottish accent from him... Very odd.
Yet, another proof of Ethnic Roulette & Convolution®.
How Did They Become Highlanders?
Is it genetic?
Being born in Highlands in Scotland?
Nobody in Scotland ever realizes the existence of that village.
Plenty of Hielands here, lad. Ye'll need to narrow it down a wee bit. Aye, and we've got our own blades, tapadh leibh.
Tapadh leibh is not the name of the sword, it means thank you.
But of course, naming a blade as "thank you" is hilarious. And ultra menacing.
If finally people can spot the location, is Highlands ground zero of immortals?
Bitten by another Highlander? This still doesn't explain the biter's immortality origin.
Got hit by a rock flung by a Highlander? Oh, similar to above.
Up until now, it is:
UNDEFINED
And what's the deal with the age threshold? 🤔 Some stopped aging at 30s, some 40s, some 20s, some 50s (Ramírez), some 300s 😂
Somehow, I believe, the lore writers will come up with something...
Hollywood is so effective at amusement.
Indeed it is unfair to judge from the sidelines.
Like, watching a ballgame, and saying:
Oi, how did he miss that?! What a joke!
🤬
But when actually playing on the field:
Oh no... WHY IS EVERYONE LOOKING AT ME?! WHERE'S THE BALL?! HELP!!
💩😵☠️
When we're actually in the pressure zone, it will be a whole different story.
But still 😂
Comments
Post a Comment