I watched the telly series because of Adrian Paul. He did marvelously in the series no doubt.
But then...
I watched the movie and realised something.
There was that Juan Sánchez-Villalobos Ramírez character played by Sir Sean Connery.
2,000+ years Egyptian-born immortal which takes a Spanish name, speaks with a full Scottish accent, never set foot in Scotland, wields a Japanese katana, trains a Scottish Highlander how to fight, dies dramatically because... There can be only one!
One? Indeed, that is one party of a character.
We would think the one which was an actual Scottish would play, you know, as an actual Scottish. But that would not be Hollywood without the ethnic roulette and convolution. Creativity.
I suppose it was deliberate after observing the patterns in many Hollywood productions.
Hollywood 101: that.
Let's further elaborate that specifically for Highlander (1986) and, of course, the TV series.
Katana
The katana... Did you know that katana was invented 13th-14th century AD in Japan, and the bloke was born in 896 BC (as per Highlander lore)?
And he was never anywhere near Japan. Egypt, Spain — neither one is near Japan. Perhaps they meant Egypt, Nagoya. Perhaps an outhouse somewhere in Nagoya. Nagoya, California, US.
Imagine how the first samurai meeting him, carrying extra katanas, and went:
Mate, this is good, try one.
That would never happen, ever. Samurais are not known for selling goods, especially their prized weapon, or being persuasive in general.
Well, assuming the sales were made by a samurai.
And how even a katana sales force from Japan wandered to either Europe or North Africa?
That would be either some intense sake or really aggressive marketing scheme skipping continents like that. And very specific, mind you.
So before katana was invented, did he fling rocks to other immortals?
| Thutmose | : |
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| Ramírez | : |
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| Ramírez | : |
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| Thutmose | : |
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| Ramírez | : |
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⬆️ In that setting, they talked in uttered hieroglyph — ancient Egypt-glyph — translated to English. By me. You know how languages were back then. I don't. Perhaps one said "ja", the other said "ja" too, a goat bleated, like that.
In ancient Egypt, it's called public bathroom fight. Similar to modern Egyptian would call that.
Historically, metallurgy was already common in that period of time in ancient Egypt. So there were swords, spears, blades, and other cultlery. But for the sake (pun intended) of me, Ramírez flung rocks before he knew katana. The katana-wielding, Egyptian-born, Spanish-name, Scottish-accent Ramírez.
Telekinesis
Quickening ⚡🌩️ is ultra high-speed wireless data transfer in the lore. Up to 1,000 TBps I assume. Considering the entirety of one immortal's life experience and knowledge.
The Immortality
With no requirement for nutrition, why didn't at least one of the immortals pile up gold and other riches? That is odd.
I mean odd because they needed no nutrition. So they broke the law of conservation, in human form... 🤔 It is akin to a frozen Windows XP but the power cord is unplugged, the thing is on endlessly. To turn it off, we need to find another similar case, put them side by side on a table, and let them sort it amongst themselves.
The Mediaeval Method
And speaking of the mediaeval method as the victory condition in the lore — as the shows (films and telly series) were in the 90s — there should be at least cannon and bazooka. Cannon such as M230 30mm chain gun.
No sword can withstand... any of those mentioned previously.
Proof
Suppose one Boeing AH-64 Apache starts chugging 30mm explosive projectiles from its wondrous M230 chain gun. And at the projectiles receiving part, a confident fellow is doing anime helicopter sword acrobat. Well, unless the acrobat involves 1 mile apart teleportation in split milliseconds...
Bazooka launcher, with proper ammunition and a good aim — an anti-tank appliance by design, will indubitably be proven as well.
Suppose one immortal did it:
(Immortal announcer.) 📢 The Gathering is coming!
(Regular immortals.) (Preparing swords, axes, and even blenders.)
(Unorthodox immortal.) Certainly, I have this red button. Shall we? 🚨
(Regular immortals.) Now why didn't we all think of that?
(Unorthodox immortal.) Well because there can be only one, lads.
(Regular immortals.) Oh oh!
(Unorthodox immortal.) 💥💥💥
(Craters. ☠️☠️☠️)
(Unorthodox immortal.) Terribly sorry about that. You shouldn't all stand... in... one... place. The Earth is a place, is it not?
(Unorthodox immortal.) Hm. What to do now... Will there a status upgrade? 🤔 Hello? Do I need to wait for the Quickening to complete? I can't seem to find the estimated time. Is this sort of self-destroying mechanism? HELLO? Right. Time for tea.
⬆️ No need for alley swords clanging. Well, for formalities, sure. Carry one sword, two bazookas, eight rockets. And an air support squadron of course. Just in case.
Who enforced the rules? There's no enforcer. You must go with the blade. Oh, you brought a minigun. Did you bring your blade? No? Right. Well, I'm needed somewhere else. Good. Luck.
There can be only one!
Precisely. One who can... strategise.
Ashes and craters is the way.
The Arithmetic
The TV show was aired from 1992 until 1998.
In every episode of Highlander, there was that I was born 400 years ago... opening speech.
Even though one year had passed, still, 400 years. Two years, 400 years, three, 400, and so forth.
I was born
401 years, 3 months, and 2 days ago
in the Highlands of the hills.
I am IMMORTAL
and I am not alone.
Bazookas and M230 are my teammates.
Screw you all, fight me.
⬆️ Would not be friendly to regular audience.
Not to mention Duncan would flail randomly every time with lethal weaponries.
That would be unwatchable... Without chocolate biscuits.
But it is quite good and catchy for its revival:
HIGHLANDER: MODERN WARFARE SMACKDOWN EDITION
Connor
In the lore, he's supposed to be a Scotsman. That is odd because I didn't notice any Scottish accent from him in the movie.
How Did They Become Highlanders?
Is it genetic?
Being born in Highlands in Scotland?
Nobody in Scotland ever realises the existence of that village.
Plenty of Hielands here, lad. Ye'll need to narrow it down a wee bit. Aye, and we've got our own blades, tapadh leibh.
Tapadh leibh is not the name of the sword, it means "thank you".
But of course, naming a blade as "thank you" is hilarious...ly terrifying.
Bitten by another Highlander? This still doesn't explain the biter's immortality origin.
Got hit by a rock flung by a Highlander? Oh, similar to above.
Up until now, it is undefined.
And what's the deal with the age threshold? Some stopped aging at 30s, some 40s, some 20s, some 50s (Ramírez), some 300s.
Somehow, I believe, the lore writers will come up with something... Or not. Then it's up to us to extrapolate.
Well...
Indeed, it is unfair to judge from the sidelines.
For instance, watching a ballgame and shouting:
Oi, how did he miss that?! What a joke!
🤬
But when actually playing on the field:
Oh no... WHY IS EVERYONE LOOKING AT ME?! WHERE'S THE BALL?! HELP!!
💩😵☠️
When we're actually in the pressure zone, it will be a whole different story.
Still.
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