Monkey Raptor V.2

Hi! 👋 Have you ever caught yourself staring at the rating change on Lichess after a hard meditation of chess puzzle ❓ Precisely, "hard meditation". Anyway on their mobile app, that little number animation as our rating climbs from, say, 300 to 313 — or plummets from 308 to 299 — carries a strange sort of magic. For you who didn't get my prior jest. On Lichess, the starting rating is 1500. 1500! To hit either 300 or 308, we have to go on a legendary, historic, multi-day losing streak like an ultra plonker. That is a disciplined, methodical, unyielding commitment to the wrong move. In order to consistently, impeccably, and flawlessly play the absolute worst move every single time, we have to calculate the winning move first just to make sure we don't ACCIDENTALLY play it. It takes a true, visionary ultra plonker to systematically engineer the absolute worst outcome conceivable. I hope that elaboration delivers its intent...

Good afternoon! There is no opening position for this chess-tagged post, unfortunately. Right. My eyes and brain are seldom hilarious. This was my MISREADING on Lichess. Back then, it was simply "White / Black is victorious", no specific reason for the losing side. Or there was the reason, but the wording was different. 🤔 So they've updated that. As such: It is indeed grand, the update. But my brain! Though I consciously KNEW it was "…ran out of time", my brain kept on spouting — Hm, ran out of timeout. Mate, what?! It rhymes. Ran out of timeout. Right. But it did not read that! Read again, then. (Read again. 👀 TWICE.) You goblin! HABA-HABA-HABA. It rhymes, mate. 🤔 Hm. Ran out of timeout. Sir English should barge in and protest. Because "timeout" is… countable. Oh, let's ignore Sir English momentarily and imagine how "ran out of timeout" would play. (Playing online ch...