Monkey Raptor

This is taken from a true story. It is a story truly.

Mr Monkey was supposed to have an ointment two days ago. He was caught by his colleague up on the tree peeing.

"That's preposterous", the first colleage said. Albeit the second and third colleagues weren't there, [blank sentence fragment].

Chewing a banana, Mr Monkey replied, "Where did I get this banana? This is a palm tree. How did we get to a palm tree? No monkey climbs this kind of tree. Ouch ouch these prickles... Who wrote this story, I'll kick him in the..."

[Colleageue] "Don't you dart change the subject, mister, Monkey. Ouch"

"But you too are a monkey", Mr Monkey embarked to a lame debate.

After all the eek ook hoo eek stopped, Mr Monkey's colleaguee sized the banana and ate it himself.

"Zooop", the collagen shouted childishly.

"No, give it back, that's mine!", said Mr Monkey in eeks and ooks.

"Notnymore it isn't, myeahoohooha" [nomnom].

Swallowing, the colleageu said, "..."

His hands were doing liaison signals.

"What's that?", Mr Monkey bedazzled.

Appranetly, laughing and swallowing food at the same time wasn't a good reflex. He choked for about two seconds.

"You must report to the chieftain", said the colleage sternly.

[Mr Monkey] "You just stole one third of my banana. I'm still in grief"

[Colleague] "Because you did number #1 from up here. The updated GDPRh stated that all mammalian tree climbers, except birds and lizards, must come down first before doing the business. It's much ethical that way"

"I didn't ask why", Mr Monkey replied.

[Monkey] "Wait, what GDPRh? That's new. Don't bird and lizard don't have tits?"

[Collegue] "What? Just do it"

[Monkey] "I will if you tell me what GDPRh is"

[Collegue] "It's an abbreviation for Guidefor Defecating and Peeing Round here"

[Monkey] "You're kidding, right?"

[Collar] "What's so funny about that?"

[Monkey] "You're kidding right?"

[Collaegue] "Which one?"

[Monkey] "Oh forget it. I'll go to chief only if you come with me"

[Colleague] "I have better things to do"

[Mr Monkey] "No, you don't"

[Colleague] "Then I'll tell on you"

[Mr Monkey] "See? Which one is more efficient, you tell on me or we both go there?"

[Colleague] "Stop asking so many questions. Just go"

Mr Monkey climbed down from the tree with two fingers up in the air and took a bus to a theater nearby. On each hand, he raised the same finger. Which one was it? You guess.

"How did he do that?", the colleague murmured serenely.

Surprised, the bus driver shouted, "Hey hey hey, I'm the driver here. Take a seat over there, sir".

The pronuciation of "seat" was thick with "h" in the middle.

[Other passengers] "Oooohhhh! Stop the bus!"

And Mr Monkey took the bus to the nearby theater.

Then the theater is haunted since.