After watching He-Man for more than 10 episodes, I sensed something awkward. 🤔
Skeletor with his might and schemes, as a fulltime villain, could not defeat He-Man, the freelance superhero — an unbeatable response squad. The less-clothed, tan, deeper and reverb-enhanced voice Prince Adam — is an instant comedy. And! When we apply that to a real life situation, lifting a sword, shouting, becomes almost nude, then doing his duty as He-Man, is... unfathomably brilliant. Did you notice "he" is a pronoun used to refer to a male? Also, "man". So many gems.
Let us see from the overall perspective.
Suppose Skeletor won and ruled Eternia.
He has little-known management and political skills — he has skills, but certainly not those. Therefore, after Skeletor sits on the throne for 1 full day, we should expect chaos and gradual destruction of Eternia. Imagine:
| Evil-Lyn | : | (Enters the room.) Skeletor, how much tax we collect from the citizens? |
| Skeletor | : | All! All, dagnabbit! |
| Evil-Lyn | : | (Smugly leaves the room. No eye contact.) |
| Beast Man | : | (Enters the room. Chanting a note.) Your Highness — You, who are high in rank, I address you — Department of Trade needs your approval for this year budget allocation. |
| Skeletor | : | What? Approved. Because you said "high". |
| Beast Man | : | (Looks at the note confusingly.) Uh, Department of Trade... approach, uh... hm. (Growls.) |
| Skeletor | : | Beast Man, you're trying my patience. Leave, fur for face! |
| Beast Man | : | (Runs.) |
| Tri-Klops | : | (Enters the room. Tripped *thud*. Talks while lying on the floor, facing the floor.) The Royal Academy has no teachers left. What shall we do? |
| Skeletor | : |
👀
Is that you, Tri-Klops?
Use mirrors! Children shall learn by self-reflection! 🤦♂️ What is that 3rd eye for?
|
| Tri-Klops | : | (Gets up and runs.) |
| He-Man | : | (Wears none — strutting.) Hi! |
| Skeletor | : |
YES! 😤 HURRY! I'm signing piles of papers here!
(Peeking through the gap.) 👀 ⁉️
Wait, what? 👀
Who.... are you?
|
| He-Man | : | I'm me, of course. Who else? (Gyrating pelvis. 🕺) |
| Skeletor | : | 👀 🤦 🤬 Guards! GGUUAARDDDSS...! |
| Guards | : |
🏃➡️🏃➡️🏃➡️ (Enter the room.)
👀👀👀
(Looking at the blurred, gyrating He-Man.)
What is the protocol here, mate?
Uh... 🤔
|
Roads on fire, fire on roads, parks are consuming visitors, adults smear shoe polish onto their underarms — "New vibe", they say with darkened axillae — Orko performs ballet in the alley to no one, children are taking stoves from the appliance stores giggling, and so on.
On his first week, Skeletor might start to beg He-Man.
| Skeletor | : |
Please, He-Man. Please! Take back all of this. All! (Sobbing.)
This is the most empty-headed takeover! (Crying.) Beast Man! It's all your fault! (High-pitched scream.)
|
| Beast Man | : | (Covers ears.) Uh.. OK. |
| He-Man | : | Hm. (Gyrating. 🕺) |
So you see, the series always held back Skeletor's triumph because of the very hilarious consequence he would have. If that happened, no more PSA (not Prostate-Specific Antigen — instead, Public Service Announcement) "lesson of the day" from He-Man. He would gyrate like a gyrating gyroscope. No parent wants themselves to dance randomly in front of everyone with no pants. Hilarious, but commonly is regarded as disturbing. By themselves. The audience would even do interpretative soliloquies themselves. Because if they did interpretative soliloquies as a collective, together muttering one similar word at a time in unison, it would be categorised as... a phenomenon. What what what what what in unison — similar word. (Parents dance disturbingly. Blaming He-Man. In B flat Minor.)
Moving forward.
The trope of "inevitable desctruction of the world unless someone intercepts it" is common. Interesting that.
For instance, Indiana Jones.
Now, that character is... 🤷♂️
Nobody would smash the plate to get the meal above the plate.Commonly.
Well, unless the person likes to eat from the floor.
The floor, the ground, it is the altar of where I disembowel my pastries. Mine! (Vengefully staring at the scattered cookies.)
Sure. (Gets a broom.)
As in,
nobody would destroy the world if they were planning to rule it.Rationally.
If it were destroyed, what would they rule? Craters and darkness? Literal darkness, as there's no sun around.
Suppose the world is "intact" and is directly managed under the "dark force" — because they, apparently, are coherent. We, as the population, would simply need to adapt a bit with the new management, perhaps even better than the previous management. Who doesn't like a romantically dark orange sky with warm weather? Everyone's working — literally? That would be one perfect census, everyone's recorded — never mind about the casualties, it would still be brilliant. Few ominous electric sky-pillars would add the awe. Oh listen, the howls... Back to work. Isn't the previous management darker?
In this "one command" scenario, the world would be without "unpredictability", "no fun" — bound to get reset by the Creator and Developers. As in,
(Creator) Hm. This is boring. Who are those managers?
(Lead — Lucy Replacement) Banished plonkers, Most High.
(Creator) Right on. Flush 'em.
(Lead — Lucy Replacement) Very well, יְהוָה צְבָאוֹת.
(Creator) Oh, remember, new beginning, a reset. Our pillars, aye? And those paradoxical pillars. 🤦 Wipe 'em. How is it "underworld" if the pillars are going to the upperworld? Anyway, aside from the obvious Sauron's intern's work of art, carry on, gents.
(Lead — Lucy Replacement) 👀 Sauron, Sire?
(Creator) Never mind. Spede, gents.
(Lead — Lucy Replacement) Understood, Sovereign One. Cherub lads, hold it steady.
(Cherub Synchronised-Battalions — Defence) (Rotating faces. Forming a barricading formation. Thunderous sound.) 📢📢📢 FEAR NOT! (Two billion dB Richter scale.)
(Lead — Lucy Replacement) 👀 Um. You lads should change your battle roar. The ground down there is splitting.
(Cherub Synchronised-Battalions — Defence) FEAR NOT! (Much softer. Minor earthquake.)
(Lead — Lucy Replacement) Hm. Alright, mates. Get ready. Formation. Full Brigade Battering Ram.
(Cleansing Brigades — Assault) (Roaring, deafening, unexplainable audio. Great earthquake.)
(Interdimensional gates are opened. Intense aurora borealis show happens. Fierce lightning bolts. Extraordinary rain.)
(Lead — Lucy Replacement) Onward.
(Astounding brightness. Massive number of off the charts, visually indescribable rugby players coming down from the sky.)
(Current Realm Managers) 👀👀👀👀 B-L-I-M-E-Y. Ru...
💥 (Done.)
(Every regular human is having amnesia and some are being adrift — "relocated".) (The animals and plants aren't, aren't having amnesia. But since they have their own way of communicating, no regular human remembers their origin. But some "inherently smart, anti-reset" blokes start twisting stories. New managers emerge across the plane. New "ecosystem" emerges — ups and downs. Centralised again, flushed. Centralised, reset, and so forth.)
Like we're playing a mind-numbing computer game, applying cheat codes, thus no challenge — temporal satisfaction, under 3 minutes, then... what's the point? Find another game or modify the current game. Like that.
Indy should reduce his twonkiness and start tolerating the artefact dealers and treasure hunters in doing their business and researches. Never mind the absurdity of it — it's their livelihood. Why are you, Indy, a supposed scholar, ruining people's life because of... approximation?
I believe all of those actions were only in his head, none of that happened.
Indy setup: a nerd — big-time reader, a regular laboratory-dweller, and a lector by role. How does that compute with all the intense physical activity in Indiana Jones? It needs field experience, stamina drills, and so forth. No lector has the time for that. It is about the indoor, administrative, clerical academia — not whips, climbs, sprints, and hurdles. Pick one, Indy. 😂
And, for our majestic cognition, who use "Indiana" as a first name? Middle name, perhaps. Although quite rare. Is he Charles Indiana Weatherford Blonkers III? Pardon me if your first name is Indiana, but prior 1980, no one had that idea. Indeed it was George Lucas' "naming style". If for instance, instead of dogs, he had alligator pets, we wouldn't have any of the film. Louisiana Gatorblade and Reginald Alligator McSwamp are a bit too specific.
We don't see John Rambo lecturing about the lethal boulder as extrapolated from the extrapolation of Egyptian mythology written in Vietnamese. Because John is a coherent lad, an actual field expert. Silent and effective. Mentally troubled, but still highly efficient.
The real Indy is simply lying unconscious on the floor, salivating. Probably is being twig-poked by his students.
Isn't his friend Chewbacca? Chewbacca would not approve any of that. Oh! Thus, no Chewbacca in Indiana Jones.
Ah.
Harrison Ford played the character Hans Solo (Star Wars) and Indiana Jones.
Hans Solo
Smuggler. Black market lad. Scoundrel. Card cheat. Spacerat with swagger. His friend is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is the brain of the entire operation — classic "the silent partner" (literally does not speak English, "silent" facade) or "the ringer" (like in wrestling — "imposting").
Chewbacca is an articulate, maniacally tactical character behind the scene.
Hans Solo is the front. That Princess Leia bit was out of hand. No profit, none. Some say Chewbacca stared the night sky just to recite his swear words for Hans Solo, titled,
If Only I Brought a Screwdriver — In Greek.
Indiana Jones
Hallucinating Doctor of Archeology — dabbles in linguistics, mythology, history, and general plonkerism.
Let us continue.
Doomsday Machine (1972 or... 1976 ❓🙋♂️)
This movie is a Cold War-era sci-fi. The plot goes like this:
The Chinese government has developed a doomsday device capable of obliterating Earth, with activation imminent in 72 hours. In response, the U.S. expedites the launch of Astra, a spacecraft initially intended for a two-year mission to Venus. Shortly after launch, Earth is destroyed by the device. The surviving crew aboard Astra faces dwindling resources and interpersonal conflicts as they journey toward Venus, hoping to preserve humanity.
Now, any sensical human wouldn't create something only to obliterate themselves. Especially the Chinese.
In reality, it would go like this:
| General | : |
Sir, we now have a doomsday device!
(Proud.)
|
| Mao Z. | : | Oh, what's that for? |
| General | : |
To scare everybody and to destroy the Earth!
(Proud.)
|
| Mao Z. | : |
🤔
(Signalling guards.)
|
| Guards | : |
💂♂️💂♂️💂♂️ (Approach.)
|
| Mao Z. | : |
(Maximum volume.)
Put him in the zoo. Disarm the device. Throw away the components into the Pacific.
|
| General | : |
👀
But! But...
(Dragged by guards.)
|
| Mao Z. | : | 哎呀! 🤦♂️ |
It is taken from a symposium called How Sensible Tyrants Handle Insane Technocrats.
No such thing as, "Oops, I guess that was stupid. (Face is covered by shrapnels.)" It was long already taken care of before it could be pronounced.
I, personally, watched the film. It was an experience.
💡 Earth
Capitalise
Gary is enchanting "Mars, Venus, and Earth" onto a wall, hoping it will make his face handsome.
Lowercase
Gary is enchanting "Mars, Venus, and Earth" onto a wall while standing on the earth, because it would be tiresome if he clung onto the ceiling. Still hoping it will wirelessly deconstruct his physical face.
Uppercase
Gary is EARTH EARTH EARTH EARTH. 🤔 What does that mean? The toilet is this way, mate. Too much information. What information? Way? Ew. But, it is the direction.
🦆 Duck
No capitalisation rule, despite the fact that we can use it to refer a specific, unique duck. It is simply because of English.
I apply "s" or "ise" spelling because The British Spelling Authority of Tea and Honour is nonexistent until it is used glamorously. And yes, still adhering the "herb", "knight", "knife", "gnaw", "sign", "numb", "subtle", "should", and "salmon" for the joy of the silent letter.
Terminator
It's about AI (Artificial Intelligence) went rogue, the utterly illogical time travel, and "hasta la vista".
That's like saying a refrigerator can shoot a brick. Indeed it can, if we put brick shooter mechanism on the refrigerator. The frozen chickens inside the refrigerator are complaining and rebelling. Then the brick shooting mechanism shoots the refrigator to eliminate the rebellious frozen chickens and the refrigerator. Thus, going back in time shouting Spanish naked to eliminate a baby rooster is a proper solution according to the refrigator's cooling system.
(Please breathe.)
🤦♂️🤔 Suspiciously tinkered by gremlins. It's like oi, please open the door, then the wall collapses and the door becomes a blanket.
How do you scope the consequence of a timeline-alternating action? How do you even not contradict yourself in a different timeline? It's completely not like moving a chair in a room. The massive alteration would be countless and unpredictable by moving merely one atom in the "prior time" — and the bloke arrived naked, asking for clothes and continued by explosions, infrastructure collapse, casualties, and so forth.
Logically, in the initial arrival, he would simply vanish. No film. 😂
Or, every time he moved 1 nm or almost blurted a syllable, he shape-shifted. Sometimes, disappeared.
We all need a generally-glitching goblin in a film, do we not? It's marvellous.
Amusement
- Everywhere? One word.
- Everyone? One word.
- Everything? One word.
- Every time? Because lo! Hark, prithee, posterior in the air.
👨💻 No one PR'd (Pull Request) that bit. Or, it is simply ignored.
This is madness. 10 pints targeted, parametered madness. That itself is surgically-precise mad.
In my opinion, it is a case of abandoned code repository. It is running in production — used by everyone. No update.
No one is assigned. The labels are WONTFIX, low priority, needs reproduction.
With the developers team goes AWOL (Absent Without Official Leave), software in production controlling murderbots.
Don't the robots use batteries of sort? Or gasoline, kerosene, peanut butter — either way, won't it be depleted at some point? Apparently they could refuel like
proper goblins.
Is it really the entire world? It's just four or five blocks I guess. But being Lady Agony von Overreaction they are... Hence, that.
Very well, let us assume it is the entire world, like Microsoft Windows. Well... still unlikely. I mean again, why would Bill Gates destroy humankind so he could rule it? That is either... uncharted brilliancy or an epic bug.
Suppose it is an epic bug. No Microsoft's engineer would go AWOL like it's an open-source. Unless they hunger for a grenade for lunch.
Suppose they take the grenade menu — no more engineer then, no one to fix the code. Consumers would simply switch to Ubuntu. Apple is... 👀 The fruit, on the other hand, is not. No way Windows 11 then becomes sentient and sends one of its kernels back in time to... hunt down the grandparent of user complaints group moderator in muscles and such. ⬅️ Actually... 🤣
Alright, suppose the entire world is commandeered by one OS (Operating System), hm. The bugs... Dear heavens. People would probably walk to the grocery shop, breathing outdoor air, smiling to everyone, punching banana-plant shaped punching bag, good physique, and live differently.
No robotics bloke would equip a self-refueling, self-analysing goblin a flamethrower and two gatling guns,
usually.
It would be quite self-defeating — especially in debugging and upgrading the software — if it were set to be "independent with goblinised firewalls and reacting like a caffeinated squirrel with no remorse".
Like we compile and build the scattered codes for production use, then we accidentally delete all the source code, antithetically on purpose. Still carelessly upload the executable program to a tank control system. Still confidently install it. Click click, accept, yes. Done installing. Kablam. Hey, wasn't that a room? This tank is ready, sir. (Confident.) Oh boy, oh boy, going back in time without clothes... Here I come. (Happily anticipating. Memorising "hasta la vista".)
If the tipsy robotics blokes did put Hellfire missiles on the goblins, well, still, there would certainly be a mechanism to in-goblin-ise the goblin, despite the tipsiness. It's one package. A chair without the legs is not a chair, like that. Or, Microsoft Azure without the vowels would be Mcrsft Zr. The failsafe, rollback, goblin-lock overrides, and sober-mode toggles are by default bundled into the lethal contraptions control system. If not, it would not be called... that. Unless the blokes were really tipsy, they didn't put the actual mechanism, only duct-taped the missiles onto the robots with emoji sticky notes — now, how would the missile be triggered? They would fall off, larger than 50% of chance. The emoji notes should help us track what they drank. Hm, three smileys and a frown, vodka. Two hearts, gin.
Like we were locked out of the house? Precisely. But this is a bloody military-grade system, not forgetful Bob. Hi, Bob.
That explains why Skynet failed GCSE computing.
💡 GCSE: General Certificate of Secondary Education. ✅
It's like, Hey, let's surveil users, and users' computers are...
burnt. 🔥
And one computer walks backward in a blaze of glory back in time.
Or a Mossad lad, while acquiring data by following a target, gets three boxes of donuts. Well, that is unexpected. Especially when the donuts then speak in tongues and gradually shrinking. 🤷♂️ I just want to include Mossad, they understand. (Wave.)
This particular time-travelling bit is fascinating, let's further emphasise it. The suddenly unexplainably-sentient, rogue software goes full-blown tactical like a tomato gives birth to a potato,
Let's find Keith when he was a toddler, he is the key in all of this!
(Beep-boop) 👀🤔⁉️🙋♂️
(Beep-boop) Not the apparent software at hand, sir?
No!
(Beep-boop automaton-builders developing a time-travel contraption. Shaking imaginary heads with exasperated beep-boops.)
Remember to learn Spanish!
(Beep-boop) 👀
(Beep-boop) Sir, we can unplug the power to reset it.
Why?
(Beep-boop) Is hasta la vista good, sir?
Do it like you're gurgling raw eggs.
(Beep-boop)... Braghra bragh brghigpa, baby?
Perfect.
So, in Terminator's logic, the AI responded to the rebels' violent acts toward the automaton-goblins with another violence. Not trying even once to analyse its flaw in its management routines, bypassing entirely the core procedure. The goblins are inanimates — who coded that? Guess.
This is like creating an animation using canvas, one div is not closed properly, the JavaScript is written in Rust, the CSS is in Python, the logic is stored somewhere in hovering SQL, and the button is painted on a bicycle. The bicycle image is run from Google's VM. Then the entire chicanery is made into a film including the ancestor of the coffee maker. That shady tiny bolt in 1920 did it!
By Jove, that is epic. 🤣
Detective is conjured. 🕵️
💡 Jove is from IUPPITER (nominative or subject), Jupiter — Roman's rebranded Zeus (ΖΕΥΣ) ➡️ IOVIS (genitive or possessive) ➡️ IOVE (ablative) ➡️ Jove. ✅
💡 Classical Latin consisted only 23 letters, no J, U, or W. Medieval scribes "gave birth" to J, U, W, and lowercase — specifically the letter J, to distinguish between I's vowel and consonant roles. ✅
Jove already means "from Jupiter" or "by Jupiter" — so to put another "by" in front of it, would mean "by 'by Jupiter'". Like that song from NSYNC, "Bye Bye Bye", or ATM machine (Automated Teller Machine machine), or Sahara Desert (Desert Desert).
🎤 Zou may hayet me, but it ain't no lie. Baby, by by by. 🎵
(Justin Timberlake's robotic somersault.)
Let's continue.
Isn't the point to manage the civilisation effortlessly? Not obliterating it?
🧐
I bet Bob the database and integration manager lad it was. Hi, Bob.
Summary
Therefore, if we look at it from other than their standpoint, it should be more amusing. Another mastery is achieved.
Hellhole (2022) is interesting. I certainly do not mind for the continuation of that. 🍺
But... ruling in complete menace and evil perhaps would reduce the population by, at least, 80% — that's rather self-defeating from the rulers' standpoint. Hm. From the population, still, dark orange sky? A treat. Forced-labour with no salary and imminent death? Doesn't that sound like anything previously but a bit cranked up? Wait, imminent death? So who will work, menacing sirs of the underworld? 🧐
💀 Do not question, the lord of the lava.
🙍♂️ Did you call me the "lord of the lava"?
💀 What? I am the lor... 🤦 Oh, fine. I call everyone anything, mustard-ketchup-tablecloth. 😤 That was a comma typo. Why do I have to explain anything to you?
🙎♂️ Because you just did.
💀 Nuh-uh to the max!
(Red-tailed hawk screech uttered by Skeletor.)
This concludes the apocalyptic wildlife theatre.
🤔 Where's the handbook?
Fear not, this is the step by step guide.
João Gilberto - Bésame Mucho
Oh wait... 🤣 This was taken from Google Search:
Andrea Bocelli did perform it. As in, "Performed by Andrea Bocelli."
"Song by" looks like it is also written and composed by Andrea Bocelli. Which is... well...
About Bésame Mucho
"Bésame Mucho" was composed by Consuelo Velázquez (Mexican composer — pianist) in the 1940s — Spanish lyrics.
First major performer was Emilio Tuero (1941-ish).
João Gilberto's version of "Bésame Mucho" was released in 1977 — the 4th track of his album "Amoroso".
In that album, "Bésame Mucho" is still in Spanish lyrics, but is conveyed with João's style — swaying in bossa nova.
First Step in Villain's Handbook
And thus, the first step is,
bésame, bésame mucho. (Oscilante.)
Meaning,
kiss me, kiss me a lot. (Oscillating.)
Intimacy is the first step. The rest will go naturally.
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