After watching He-Man for more than 10 episodes, I sensed something awkward. 🤔
Skeletor with his might and schemes, as a fulltime villain, could not defeat He-Man, the freelance superhero — an unbeatable response squad. The less-clothed, tan, deeper and reverb-enhanced voice Prince Adam — is an instant comedy. And! When we apply that to a real life situation, lifting a sword, shouting, becomes almost nude, then doing his duty as He-Man, is... unfathomably brilliant. Did you notice "he" is a pronoun used to refer to a male? Also, "man". So many gems.
Let us see from the overall perspective.
Suppose Skeletor won and ruled Eternia.
He has little-known management and political skills — he has skills, but certainly not those. Therefore, after Skeletor sits on the throne for 1 full day, we should expect chaos and gradual destruction of Eternia. Imagine:
| Evil-Lyn | : | (Enters the room.) Skeletor, how much tax we collect from the citizens? |
| Skeletor | : | All! All, dagnabbit! |
| Beast Man | : | (Enters the room.) Your Highness — You, who are high in rank, I address you — Department of Trade needs your approval for this year budget allocation. |
| Skeletor | : | What? Approved. Because you said "high". |
| Beast Man | : | Uh, Department of Trade... approach, uh... hm. (Growls.) |
| Skeletor | : | Beast Man, you're trying my patience. Leave, fur for face! |
| Beast Man | : | (Runs.) |
| Tri-Klops | : | (Enters the room.) The Royal Academy has no teachers left. What shall we do? |
| Skeletor | : | Use mirrors! Children shall learn by self-reflection! 🤦♂️ |
| He-Man | : | (Wears none — strutting.) Hi! |
| Skeletor | : |
YES! 😤 HURRY! I'm signing piles of papers here!
(Peeking through the gap.) 👀 ⁉️
Wait, what? 👀
Who.... are you?
|
| He-Man | : | I'm me, of course. Who else? (Gyrating pelvis. 🕺) |
| Skeletor | : | 👀 🤦 🤬 Guards! GGUUAARDDDSS...! |
| Guards | : |
👀👀👀
(Looking at the blurred, gyrating He-Man.)
What is the protocol here, mate?
Uh... 🤔
|
Roads on fire, parks are having potholes and plotholes, people are smearing shoe polish onto their foreheads, Orko performs ballet in the alley to no one, and so on.
On his first week, Skeletor might start to beg He-Man.
| Skeletor | : |
Please, He-Man. Please! Take back all of this. All! (Sobbing.) I beg you!
This is the dumbest heist ever! (Crying.) Beast Man! It's all your fault!
|
| He-Man | : | Hm. (Gyrating. 🕺) |
So you see, the series always held back Skeletor's triumph because the very hilarious consequence he would have. If that happened, no more PSA (not prostate-specific antigen) "lesson of the day" from He-Man. He would gyrate like a gyrating gyroscope. No parent wants themselves to dance randomly in front of everyone with no pants. Hilarious, but commonly is regarded as disturbing. By themselves.
Moving forward.
The trope of "inevitable desctruction of the world unless someone intercepts it" is common. Interesting that.
For instance, Indiana Jones.
Now, that character is... 🤷♂️
Nobody would smash the plate to get the meal above the plate.
Well, unless the person likes to eat from the floor.
The floor, the ground, it is the altar of where I disembowel my pastries. Mine! (Vengefully staring at the scattered cookies.)
Sure. (Gets a broom.)
As in, nobody would destroy the world if they were planning to rule it. If it were destroyed, what would they rule? Craters and darkness? Literal darkness, as there's no sun around.
Indy should reduce his twonkiness and start tolerating the artifact dealers and treasure hunters in doing their business and researches. Never mind the absurdity of it — it's their livelihood. Why are you, Indy, a supposed scholar, ruining people's life because of... approximation? I believe all of those actions were only in his head, none of that happened. The real Indy was simply lying unconscious on the floor, salivating.
Isn't his friend Chewbacca? Chewbacca would not approve any of that. Oh! Thus, no Chewbacca in Indiana Jones.
Ah.
Harrison Ford played the character Hans Solo (Star Wars) and Indiana Jones.
Hans Solo
Smuggler. Black market lad. Scoundrel. Card cheat. Spacerat with swagger. His friend is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is the brain of the entire operation — classic "the silent partner" or "the ringer".
Chewbacca is an articulate, maniacally tactical character behind the scene.
Hans Solo is the front. That Princess Leia bit was out of hand. No profit, none. Some say, Chewbacca stared at the night sky just to recite his swear words for Hans Solo, titled,
If Only I Brought a Screwdriver — In Greek.
Indiana Jones
Hallucinating Doctor of Archeology — dabbles in linguistics, mythology, history, and general plonkerism.
Let us continue.
Doomsday Machine (1972 or... 1976 ❓🙋♂️)
This movie is a Cold War-era sci-fi. The plot goes like this:
The Chinese government has developed a doomsday device capable of obliterating Earth, with activation imminent in 72 hours. In response, the U.S. expedites the launch of Astra, a spacecraft initially intended for a two-year mission to Venus. Shortly after launch, Earth is destroyed by the device. The surviving crew aboard Astra faces dwindling resources and interpersonal conflicts as they journey toward Venus, hoping to preserve humanity.
Now, any sensical human wouldn't create something only to obliterate themselves. Especially the Chinese.
In reality, it would go like this:
| General | : |
Sir, we now have a doomsday device!
(Proud.)
|
| Mao Z. | : | Oh, what's that for? |
| General | : |
To scare everybody and to destroy the Earth!
(Proud.)
|
| Mao Z. | : |
🤔
(Signalling guards.)
|
| Guards | : |
(Approach.)
|
| Mao Z. | : |
(Maximum volume.)
Put him in the zoo. Disarm the device. Throw away the components into the Pacific.
|
| General | : |
👀
But! But...
(Dragged by guards.)
|
| Mao Z. | : | 哎呀! 🤦♂️ |
It is taken from a symposium called How Sensible Tyrants Handle Insane Technocrats.
No such thing as, "Oops, I guess that was stupid. (Face is covered by shrapnels.)" It was long already taken care of before it could be pronounced.
I, personally, watched the film. It was an experience.
Terminator
It's about AI (Artificial Intelligence) went rogue, the utterly illogical time travel, and "Hasta la vista".
That's like saying a refrigerator can shoot a brick. Indeed it can, if we put brick shooter mechanism on the refrigerator. And go back in time shouting random Spanish naked. Because the brick shooting mechanism shoots the refrigerator. Thus, going back in time is a proper solution.
(Please breathe.)
In my opinion, it is a case of abandoned code repository. It is running in production — used by everyone. No update.
No one is assigned. The labels are WONTFIX, low priority, needs reproduction.
With the developers team goes AWOL (Absent Without Official Leave), software in production controlling murderbots. Don't the robots use batteries of sort? Or gasoline, kerosene, peanut butter — either way, won't it be depleted at some point? Apparently they could refuel like proper goblins.
Is it really the entire world? It's just four or five blocks I guess. But being drama queens they are... Hence, that.
Very well, let us assume it is the entire world, like Microsoft Windows. Well... still unlikely. I mean again, why would Bill Gates destroy humankind so he could rule it? That is either... uncharted brilliancy or an epic bug.
No Microsoft's engineer would go AWOL like it's an open-source. Unless they hunger for a grenade for lunch.
Suppose they take the grenade menu — no more engineers then. Consumers would simply switch to Ubuntu. Apple is... 👀 The fruit, on the other hand, is not.
It's like, Hey, let's surveil users, and users' computers are...
burnt. 🔥
That is an awkward programming philosophy. Data gathering went beyond ambitious it looped back to produce ash. The data analysts would whistle like kettles.
(Project manager) So? Where's the... analytics and marketing model we need?
(Data analyst) The telemetry coder blokes demolished every consumer's terminal. (Whistling. 🐦🎤)
(Telemetry bloke 🤬) Oi! You're the one gave us the bloody requirement! We coded precisely that. You...
(Project manager) Demolished? Destroyed? How is that even possible?
(Telemetry bloke) ( Pointing a depiction of baseball bat on the requirement with intense poking. 👆👆👆)
Oh, but it doesn't stop there,
Let's find Barry when he was a toddler, he is the key in all of this!
👀🤔⁉️🙋♂️
Not the apparent software at hand, sir?
No!
(Engineers developing a time-travel contraption. Shaking heads.)
Remember to learn Spanish!
👀
Sir, we can unplug the power to reset it.
Why?
Is hasta la vista good, sir?
Do it like you're gurgling raw eggs.
... Braghra bragh brghigpa, baby?
Perfect.
Summary
Therefore, if we look at it from other than their standpoint, it should be more amusing. Another mastery is achieved.
Hellhole (2022) is interesting. I certainly do not mind for the continuation of that. 🍺
But... ruling in complete menace and evil perhaps would reduce the population by, at least, 80% — that's rather self-defeating. Hm.
🤔 Where's the handbook?
João Gilberto - Besame Mucho
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