I watched Samson and Delilah (1984 - TV movie). Because, honestly, I thought it would be... somewhere within... fuzzy logic. It delivered.
The Era
Shall we? We shall.
Let's briefly summarise the Samson era.
It was in pre-king time — Book of Judges. Israel wasn't even unified ("tribal confederacy"), hence the "judges" to lead (or protect) them. Samson was the last of the judges in the Book of Judges — Samuel is considered the last of the judges before the unification ➡️ King Saul ➡️ King David. The Samson story took place in ~1200-1000 BC Let's take the average, 1100 BC, somewhere in Middle East vast region.
Without the number, we might still roughly deduce that the era was sometime before the Classical Greece. In another word, the Romans were still — well — had not even begun to call themselves "Romans", yet.
Give or take.
The Take
The plot is actually very similar to the original story.
Hollywood usually
It's just their standard operating procedure. They call it "adaptation" or "based on".
Let's begin.
How did the Philistines manage to make build smooth-surfaced stones infrastructure in that period? Even the later Greeks stacked stones, no irritating cement.
Hm, oh well... it is in the film, so it must be Philistine's.
Not to mention the tables and chairs. Chairs...
Well, there were wooden chairs back then, but certainly unlike those. But! I could be wrong.
And the hanging leaves ornament in the snapshot above, suspiciously looks like Roman leafy garland decor. Those Romans, taking Philistine's...
And of course, this very Philistine-style fireplace...
Then the mediaeval armour, the futuristic fabric and stitchwork, IKEA-grade crates, again... CHAIRS, indoor pool, window glass, spring bed, gladiator arena. The... everything else...
It is as though the Philistine society depicted in this film had an unspoken inter-era supply chain. That is a fascinating take, indeed.
I — While Watching — Was Imagining Things
Tavern
They could film everything in a long abandoned tavern, it would have the "before Greece even a thing". Broken chairs, now that, would somewhat be authentic. Authentic broken chairs, I mean.
The director would shout:
You sit on top of that one jagged ends chair leg with splinters...
You, yes you! (Nod.)
Lie down on that three quarter chair seat on the floor. Pretend to be on the beach. Act... natural.
You, Alice in Wonderland mage-clothed person you. Yes, you. (Nod.)
(Muttering inaudibly about costume design for whole ten seconds.)
Be not like that, but be more Philistine-wise! Whatever, sing, dance, flip, your pick! None of that calm, preserved, mystical persona NONSENSE!
THIS IS PHILISTIA!!
You!
(Pointing at Samson Smith.)
Use your IMAGINATION.
Ready? Get set? ACTION!
(Everybody runs to every direction like children after school bell.)
Wild West
Also, with that strange ambience, I almost thought some random bloke would
That random bloke:
(Prancing like John Wayne.🚶♂️🚶♂️➡️)
This city ain't big enough for me and whole bunch of you!
(Stereo-surround mooing cattle in the background. 🐄🐂)
(People standing unbothered. 👀)
Now hand over Delilah, and nobody gets smote...
(Again, the stereo-surround mooing cattle in the background. 🐄🐂)
(People are still standing unbothered. 👀)
Or Italian Western:
Mama mia!
Dubbing: Mama mia!
(Lee Van Cleef's squint.)
(Frames of people standing around.)
(No sound.)
Anyway, "draw a revolver and walk around wearing a cowboy getup." ⬅️ This.
🤔
As if he did it separately. Drew first, then wore the getup while walking.
So before he walked, when he drew the pistol, what did he wear exactly?
🤔
If he didn't walk, would he still wear a cowboy getup?
🤔
Dreadlocks Highlander
Or, other take, like being interpreted in Highlander universe with Jamaican style.
Samson MacSmith with his long dreadlocks hairstyle.
I am Samson MacSmith.
I am a JUDGE
and I am not almond.
Dreadlocks and Delilah... bond.
One day, I shall break interior design, mon.
Yo, hit it!
("No Pillar, No Cry" 🎷🎶 — Reggae anthem.)
Tale of saxophone wielding one-man demolition crew.
Actual Roman
Oh but hey, this movie is strictly so very Roman. So, perhaps even better as such:
📢 Hail, Delilah, daughter of Rome and seducer of Nazarites!
(Whistles, howls, and ooga-boogas from the male spectators. Robes in the air.)
📢 Ave Samsonus Maximus, Champion of the Arena!
(The crowd cheers like a proper gang of maniacs — some throw jerrycans in the air.)
Simplified Samson Story
Samson's miraculous birth. ➡️ Becomes a Nazirite with uncut hair. ➡️ Exhibits extraordinary strength. ➡️ Develops a weakness for Philistine women. ➡️ Philistines observe his romantic habits. ➡️ Falls in love with Delilah. ➡️ Delilah, bribed by Philistines, seeks his strength's secret. ➡️ Samson deceives her thrice. ➡️ Finally reveals truth about his hair. ➡️ Delilah cuts his hair during sleep. ➡️ Samson loses strength, is captured and blinded. ➡️ Hair regrows in prison. ➡️ Brought to Philistine temple for entertainment. ➡️ Prays for strength, collapses temple. ➡️ Samson and A LOT of Philistines perish together.
⬆️ Judges 13 to 16
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