Samson and Delilah (1984 - TV Movie)

I watched Samson and Delilah (1984 - TV movie) because, honestly, I thought it would be funny. It delivered.

The...

Shall we? 🙂

Let's briefly summarize the Samson era. It was in pre-king time — Book of Judges. Israel wasn't even unified ("tribal confederacy"), hence the "judges" to lead (or protect) them. Samson was the last of the judges in the Book of Judges — Samuel is considered the last of the judges before the unification ➡️ King Saul ➡️ King David. The Samson story took place in ~1200-1000 BC (or BCE). Let's take the average, 1100 BC, somewhere in Middle East vast region.

Without the number, we might still roughly deduce that the era was sometime before the Classical Greece. In another words, Romans were still, well, had not even begun to call themselves "Romans" yet...

Give or take 🤷‍♂️

Now, the Other The...

Let's start from this.

How did the Philistines manage to make build smooth-surfaced stones infrastructure in that period? 🧐 Even the later Greeks stacked stones, no irritating cement 🤔

Hm, oh well... it is in the movie, so it must be Philistine's.

Not to mention the tables and chairs. Chairs...

Well, there were wooden chairs back then, but certainly unlike those... But! I could be wrong.

And the hanging leaves ornament in the snapshot above, suspiciously looks like Roman leafy garland decor. Those Romans, taking Philistine's...

And of course, this very Philistine-style fireplace...

Then the medieval armour, the futuristic fabric and stitchwork, IKEA-grade crates, again.. chairs, indoor pool, window glass, spring bed, gladiator arena 🤯... The... everything else...

It is like the Philistine society depicted in this movie has some unspoken inter-era supply chain... That is a fascinating take indeed 🤔

They could film everything in a long abandoned tavern, it would have the "before Greece even a thing" vibe. Broken chairs, now that, somewhat authentic. Authentic broken chairs I mean.

The director would be...

You sit on top of that one jagged ends chair leg with splinters...

You, yes you, on that three quarter chair seat on the floor. Pretend to be on the beach, act natural.

You, Alice in Wonderland mage-clothed person you, yes (nod). (Muttering inaudibly about costume design for whole ten seconds) Be not like that, but be more Philistine-wise... Whatever, sing, dance, flip, your pick! None of that calm, preserved, mystical persona nonsense, this is Philistia! Show a hint of chest.

You (pointing at Samson Smith), use your imagination.

Ready? Get set? ACTION! 🎬📽️

(Everybody runs to any direction like children after school bell)

HeldTogetherByDuctTapeFilming™

Also, with that awkward ambiance in the movie, I almost thought some random bloke in the movie would draw a revolver and walk around wearing cowboy getup.

That random guy would be like (prancing like John Wayne 🚶‍♂️🚶‍♂️‍➡️)...

This city ain't big enough for me and whole bunch of you!

(Stereo-surround mooing cattle in the background 🐄🐂)

(People standing unbothered 👀)

Now hand over Delilah, and nobody gets smote...

(Again the stereo-surround mooing cattle in the background 🐄🐂)

(People are still standing unbothered 👀)

🤔 Or, other take, like being interpreted in Highlander universe.

Samson MacSmith with his long dreadlocks hairstyle (wobbles right and left in reggae rhythm).

I am Samson MacSmith.

I am a JUDGE

and I am not almond.

Dreadlocks and Delilah... bond.

One day, I shall break interior design, mon.

Yo, hit it!

("No Pillar, No Cry" 🎷🎶 — Reggae anthem)

Tale of saxophone wielding one-man demolition crew.

Oh but hey, this movie is strictly so very "Roman", perhaps even better like so:

Hail, Delilah, daughter of Rome and seducer of Nazarites!

(Whistles, howls, and ooga-boogas from the male spectators — robes in the air)

Ave Samsonus Maximus, Champion of the Arena!

The crowd cheers like a proper gang of maniacs — some throw jerrycans in the air.

It delivered 🎁

🕯️ Simplified Samson Story

Samson's miraculous birth ➡️ Becomes a Nazirite with uncut hair ➡️ Exhibits extraordinary strength ➡️ Develops a weakness for Philistine women ➡️ Philistines observe his romantic habits ➡️ Falls in love with Delilah ➡️ Delilah, bribed by Philistines, seeks his strength's secret ➡️ Samson deceives her thrice ➡️ Finally reveals truth about his hair ➡️ Delilah cuts his hair during sleep ➡️ Samson loses strength, is captured and blinded ➡️ Hair regrows in prison ➡️ Brought to Philistine temple for entertainment ➡️ Prays for strength, collapses temple ➡️ Samson and A LOT of Philistines perish together.

📖 Judges 13 to 16.

💡 This particular biblical story was set not in Roman or even IKEA era.

Last modified on 2025-04-01T11:26:45-07:00

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