Good afternoon. 👋
I was on YouTube's frontpage. I found this:
I stared at the title for more than five seconds.
Boonie Bears: Blast into the Past English🧡 | Full Film #animation #movie #comedy #funny 👀
Past... English... 🧡
Past English🧡 Number One
Presumably the animation would be... lovingly... all in past form. Just being entirely grammatically past tense.
The bear walked. The caveman ran. The log fell. Everyone had eaten. 💘
Narrated in the most relentlessly past tense manner imaginable. Nothing happening NOW. Everything already concluded before you even sat down.
The adventure had occurred. The friendship was formed. The credits rolled. 💖
Past English🧡 Number Two
Come to think of it, Old English and Middle English are precisely that.
PAST ENGLISH. Without the heart emoji.
Right. Let's specifically imagine it in Old English. The Anglo-Saxon utterance.
AND everything is in past form.
⬆️ Meaning: "Behold! The bear made the bread!" (Pointing.)
(Boy.) Dad, what language is that?
(Dad.) Tweed jacket language.
(Boy.) Jacket can talk?
(Dad.) The tweed one can.
(Boy.) Is this educational?
(Dad.) Extremely.
(Boy.) Can we watch Peppa Pig instead?
(Dad.) Næfre. I mean "never". (Wears a tweed jacket.)
(Boy.) HAHAHA. Næfre.
(Dad.) 👀
And the cavemen — who are ALREADY prehistoric — are now doubly past. Past within past. A past so thoroughly past it has lapped itself and come around the other side. In Past English, ladies and gentlemen.
Published in the Journal of Linguistics. Cited seventeen times.
With love.
🎼 Journal of Linguistics 🫦
The Audience
Presumably the viewers predominantly consist of confused children and absolutely delighted Anglo-Saxon scholars arriving from completely different directions and both leaving satisfied.
The hashtags #funny #comedy are accidentally correct for entirely the wrong audience.
Children are simultaneously confused and amused by the words and intonation.
The linguistics department at Oxford is absolutely HOWLING. Tears streaming. Cannot breathe. Tea everywhere. Gerald falls from his chair. Best comedy of the decade.
Whilst the Anglo-Saxon, Norse & Celtic department at Cambridge — We have standard. Everyone, put the teacups away first. Let's all stand up. Before we watch it.
The YouTube comments section:
@pudding4pints555 1 month ago
28 Reply
@miles777abcd 2 days ago
41 Reply
@pumpkin123 18 hours ago
137 Reply
@profuvv3r 5 days ago (edited)
527 Reply
53 replies
@xiexie100 3 days ago
112 Reply
23 replies
@h3ll00789 2 weeks ago
71 Reply
One scene:
Se bera on þæt treow clomb.
The bear onto the log climbed.
Þa guman hrymdon and æfter him urnon.
The cavemen shouted and after him ran.
Se oþer bera of þam treowe gefeoll.
The other bear from the log fell.
Þæt treow fleo.
The log flew.
Ealle swigdon.
Everyone fell silent.
Se fugel þone beran beheold.
The bird the bear regarded.
Hit yfel wæs.
It bad was.
Bosworth Toller's Anglo-Saxon Dictionary online
Have yourself a splendid afternoon. 👋
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