Renegade

Hi! 👋

Remember this US TV show "Renegade"? Starring Lorenzo Lamas.

No? Yes? Either way, do stay.

The Music

The music, mate. It was composed by Mike Post. The Western frontier spirit married beautifully with something distinctly Native American in its soul. Sounds grand. That slightly mournful, windswept quality. Have a listen:

When I play the rhythm guitar... with a guitar, I first tune it to drop D open tuning (6th string to 1st string):

Low D - A - D - g - d - d

Not purely open tuning, because there's still the "dangling" g string. I need it stays in g for the subtle bends and pull-offs actually.

I do alternate plucking or picking on those two last d strings.

I always use a pick when playing this, with the other free fingers also plucking the strings, specifically the high d strings. Hybrid technique. Since pure classical method doesn't quite deliver the "bite" I expect from a steel-string guitar. But I think this should be better when employing a thumbpick and fingerpicks, such as in bluegrass. Crisper sound, I suppose.

Just a habit of mine, using a pick.

Anyway in that recording above, there are two guitar rhythms — left and right. One with acoustic, the other with clean electric. Reciprocating and reinforcing each other.

Tasteful harmonica melody. Listen to that banter with the electric guitar. The percussion, mm mm. Chef's kiss!

---

Renegade

Let's first dissect the word "renegade".

Renegade (noun)

A person who has changed their feelings of support and duty from one political, religious, national, etc. group to a new one.

But in the show, Reno Raines is the most law-abiding character in the history of television. The bloke's a bounty hunter who follows every rule in the book whilst tracking down criminals, practically filing paperwork in his head on every arrest. Terribly subversive stuff.

Riding a Harley.

Wearing no helmet.

Around Mojave Desert.

Raines, in every episode, was fleeing from Dutch Dixon character. Which comically was played by Stephen J. Cannell (RIP) — the producer of the show.

So I was... thinking about the "renegade" bit in it. It's the title of the show!

Raines didn't create any havoc in the show. Never. Instead, he upheld the law. He fled from people who framed him. That isn't "renegading", that's simply... running away.

🤔

Right?

For instance, we were stitched up and accused of pickpocketing.

📢 Oi, he took me wallet! GET THAT LAD!

And we, by reflex, bloody dashed. That's just... a survival instinct, by legging it professionally. Not being a renegade.

I mean in nature, a rabbit would certainly do that when being chased by predators. We don't go

Oh, that RABBIT. By carrot, such a renegade! Mm mm. Tsk tsk. (Shake head.)

(Rabbit proceeds riding a Harley into the desert.)

I think the rabbit wasn't framed by the predators. That would be superbly tedious for the predators. They'd be quite... malnourished.

(Derek the carnivore.) Gary we just need to EAT something!

(Gary the bureaucrat.) Procedure, Derek! Tsk tsk. (Shake head.)

If we were accused of nicking eggs, instead of frantically defending ourselves, we somehow cried whilst reciting Hamlet and sweeping the floor, that would be a proper renegade.

Maybe.

The "change of feelings of support and duty from... things".

---

Suppose

If Reno Raines were Charles Thunderlanes, bloke would wreak... a unique thing. Not to be confused with the regal, dignified, proper Charles.

Walking. Along the hard shoulder of the M6. Au naturel. Hair fully covering him. Vest unbuttoned, same colour as his hair. Thick zinc oxide freshly applied... onto that lush hair. Leaving zinc oxide footprints.

That's the setup.

One scene:

(A lorry driver peering down from his cab. Double taking enormously.)

(Lorry driver.) WHAT IN THE...

(Charles Thunderlanes.) Renegade, mate.

(Lorry driver.) What?!

(Charles Thunderlanes.) ...Renegade.

(Traffic reporter.) There's a... situation... on the M6 southbound near Birmingham. The gentleman is again... immaculately presented up top... authorities are not sure which specific law applies here...

(The bagpipes playing mournfully.)

⬆️ Looks like a Bigfoot footage. Grainy, inconclusive, deeply unsettling. Gone before anyone can properly document it.

Circulating on YouTube. Two million views.

Title: "RENEGADE SPOTTED M6 BIRMINGHAM 2:47AM — REAL OR FAKE??"

Mostly dislikes. Or perhaps escalated to "mostly despises".

The YouTube audience didn't merely dislike it, they felt something deep and personal about it. Actively seeking it out to despise it more thoroughly. Returning daily. Despising afresh.

MM. MM. TSK. (Pause.) TSK. (Shake head.)

Anyway, "lush hair":

⬆️ Gemini completely missing the assignment and going straight into business analyst mode.

For our information, "lush hair" is a proper English phrase meaning thick, full, gloriously abundant hair. I searched that for my own amusement. BECAUSE I WANTED TO SEE IMAGES of people with lush hair.

But Gemini summarised that — We must firmly acknowledge the difference between the British cosmetics company and the Nigerian hair extension brand. — Mate! My query was "lush hair"! — We must firmly!

As if this is a matter of international diplomatic importance requiring immediate attention.

OH! BY THUNDER WITH MAXIMUM VOLTAGE, Gemini also went renegade, didn't it?

Gemini Thunderlanes: I'm a renegade, innit?

🤔 Perhaps I ought to rephrase my search query. Mm. Yes. This is akin to "Puma", "Apple", or "Amazon" search results conundrum. Quite.

---

Hm

So Reno Raines, he:

• Does everything by the book.
• Always protects the innocent.
• Does not nick things for riches.

But he also:

• Defeats dangerous criminals through martial arts and careful procedure, then politely hands them to the very law enforcement system that is simultaneously hunting him personally. Telenovela technique, aye?
• Flees from his pursuer by travelling at motorcycle speed whilst his pursuer presumably uses... roads. With cars. Yet somehow this constitutes a viable long term escape strategy.
• Does not wear a full-face helmet or even a basic, strapped-on cooking pot when riding a motorcycle. Ever.
• Roams about in desert heat. Constantly.
• Never applies industrial grade SPF 5000. Instead, pouring water to his face.
• Never treats his hair with UV protection regime. Instead, pouring water to his face.
• Fires an M60 indoors without ear protection. I repeat, WITHOUT ear protection.
• Walks into every single town in America where someone coincidentally needs saving. With occasional face-water-pouring.
• Is called a renegade throughout.

"Renegade" should be retitled

The Magnificent Hair Chronicles

No confusion. None. It would be flooded by shampoo and conditioner advertisers.

Pantene, Head & Shoulders, TRESemmé, Vidal Sassoon, Vosene, Alberto VO5, Panasonic. ALL frantically ringing the production office.

We'd like to sponsor "The Magnificent Hair Chronicles" please.

All five seasons?

Every. Single. Episode.

WE. GLADLY. ACCEPT.

I'm representing Panasonic.

And?

I'd like to show you our latest blender series.

Why?

Well, because I'm representing Panasonic.

And?

Well, I'd like to show you our latest blender series.

Why?

♻️

For instance, this gem:

And then P&G somehow put it to be more "Renegade oriented":

Only strong hair can survive... Mojave Desert... and intense UV. So I use Pantene Pro-V Mousse. Riding Harley was ruining my hair. But Pantene Pro-V Mousse actually helps the wind to be manageable. The exclusive magnetic shield and provitamin B "GONE, AIR!" improving my hair. The strength I need, the speed I want, the engine cylinder volume I want. With Pantene Pro-V Mousse, from the complete Pro-V, UV, and air management collection. For hair so healthy, it shines. It's a stronger sense of style.

The Harley Davidson logo replaced by Pantene Pro-V.

---

The Desert Ride

Reno Raines roamed the desert road without a proper helmet, without a visor. Yet looked clean and healthy. ✨

Clean and healthy. ✨

⬆️ That's analogous to done sewer-sailing, then smells like one of those eaux de toilette and physically rejuvenated.

I'm fragrant and robust. Ah.

⬆️ As if he were describing himself on a wine label.

The Sussex Wine • Fragrant and Robust

THE Sussex Wine. Singular. Definitive. Fragrant. Robust. No further questions.

And he wore what — an open vest situation at times too, if memory serves?

Did his hair shield his existence?

Reno Raines' hair 💇 Bow down before me, EVERYTHING. I have commanded. OBEY you lot SHALL.

Realistically:

• Desert dust embedded in every pore of his skin, every crease.
• His eyes would be violently bloodshot — the whites basically a roadmap of burst vessels. Perpetually watering, yet paradoxically bone dry underneath.
• Dozens of dead insects, possibly a small beetle lodged somewhere near the ear.
• His hair would resemble a bird's nest that lost a fight with a tumble dryer.
• Though he wore a trench coat, the collar gap means his neck got absolutely obliterated by sun and grit. A very specific, very angry V-shaped burn situation happening there.
• Speaking of trench coat, let's take a moment. Being WORN in a desert. Yes, there is wind from the ride — dry, desert wind. It won't help. The man has essentially wrapped himself in an oven. Being slow-roasted like a joint of particularly handsome beef. Organs gently registering a complaint with management.

So in real life, he'd smell of dust, petrol, and suffering with that Hollywood getup. Every. Time.

And yet. He arrived. Cheekbones immaculate. Eyes smouldering. Trench coat billowing dramatically.

⬆️ An observant viewer probably once shouted —

HIS CORNEAS WOULD BE DESTROYED!

No Gary, no. Be still. Have some tea. Good.

BUT... 👀 HIS CORNE...

Tea is good. Have some.

Gary is fine now. Gary doesn't watch motorcycle films anymore but Gary is absolutely fine.

Reno Raines isn't human. He simply cannot be.

Particularly the SUPREME hair is protecting him.

It hath DECREED, ladies and gentlemen.

None shall trespass.

If none cannot trespass, including the air presumably, then how would he breathe?

And yet. He arrived. Breathing.

Breathing.

Reno Raines' hair 💇 I am the supreme OXYGEN TANK.

Oh, right. Never being reckless, innit?

Reno Raines' hair 💇 I am SUPREME.

Mate, how about carbon dioxide and methane. Breathing and toot?

Reno Raines' hair 💇 I am the supreme AIR RECYCLING UNIT.

Never being rec...

Reno Raines' hair 💇 I am SUPREME.

Mate, how ab...

Reno Raines' hair 💇 I am the SUPREME OF EVERYTHING. Be supremely QUIET.

I have commanded. OBEY you lot SHALL.

---

🤔

The "renegade" in Renegade has absolutely nothing to do with Raines capturing fugitives. He does that entirely by the book, with textbook procedure and admirable civic responsibility.

There wasn't one episode where he took their wallets, only the empty wallets, and just... rode away. Rode a camel. Well, he's a renegade, is he not? He could be a wallet enthusiast. And a Harley-camel swapper. — I'm a renegade, innit?

So the renegade part is exclusively about the character being profoundly and magnificently... awkward.

A walking contradiction. A man who upholds every law known to civilisation whilst simultaneously violating every known law of common sense and basic personal safety. Helmet? Unnecessary. Ear protection whilst firing a 7.62 mm machine gun indoors? Excessive.

Raines is renegading against sensibleness itself.

Film academics writing dissertations about Renegade's deeper meaning. And yet we arrive at:

He's renegading against a genuinely lucrative shampoo and conditioner advertising opportunity specifically.

We should submit this to Cambridge University Press.

🤔

Or, the show itself is renegading against its own title.

ISN'T IT?

Renegade Thunderlanes: I'm a renegade, innit?

🤔

Or...

So Raines in the show is a fugitive. Hm... But instead of conducting any proper crimes, he did the opposite. As if he had already MET the minimum fugitive quota.

Raines just completely disregarded the job description in the entire fugitive community. Expectations!! Traditions!!

Committed absolutely to the aesthetic of criminality. ➡️ Trench coat, open vest, bad-arse chic. ➡️ Actual crimes: none whatsoever.

Is that the renegade part?

A fugitive who is functionally a volunteer police officer? With higher salary presumably. Minus pension benefit, obviously. Reno at 70, still on the Harley, still in the trench coat. Hair still supreme but perhaps marginally less volumous. The hair retaining supreme jurisdiction.

"Disciplined with undisciplined style"?

Fascinating.

Fascinating Thunderlanes: I do believe I do fascinate, do I not? Do do do. DO. 🎵

🤔

Let's step back a bit.

Stephen J. Cannell, the producer, is Dutch Dixon, chasing the actor Lorenzo Lamas, Reno Raines... Hm. Oh!

So perhaps Cannell was the renegade after all! No producer did it like Cannell did. I mean a telly series producer? Also as a VILLAIN in the show he produced? Spent five seasons chasing his own employee? Named himself "Dutch", Dixon = "DICK SON"?

A renegade, that.

Solved.

Maybe.

Mm Mm. Tsk tsk. (Shake head.)

---

The Cannell

So we have:

• Reno Raines ➡️ Conducting no crimes. Bad-arse chic. Supreme hair.
• Bobby Sixkiller ➡️ Hawaiian. Pretending to be Cherokee. Surname: SIXKILLER. 👀
• Cheyenne Sixkiller ➡️ Blonde. Nordic. Named after someone else's tribe entirely. The Cheyenne are indigenous people of the Great Plains. Surname: SIXKILLER. 👀

  ⬆️ That's like naming a child "Uzbeks".

  Uzbeks Bonita Daisy Perfume. SIXKILLER. In a Tibetan family.

  Uzbekistan and Tibet aren't far apart on a map.

  
• Dutch Dixon ➡️ The producer. Chasing his own employee.

The show couldn't even keep the indigenous tribe consistent within the same family. Bobby is supposedly Cherokee and his sister is named after the Cheyenne.

It's as if someone just flipped through a reference book, pointed randomly at two separate pages. Hawaiian Cherokee and Nordic Cheyenne Cherokee. Mate, that's geographically "could not calculate driving directions". Cheyenne should mention IKEA more often. — IKEA, Reno. Yes Bobby, IKEA. You know what's good? IKEA. And Bobby just — Spam, dear Cheyenne. Delicious. Spam, Reno? No? Mm mm. Raines — Diego Maradona! Sí sí, el futbolista!

Stephen J. Cannell looked at this cast and went —

That one's the brother. That one's the sister.

Crack on.

I'll chase you, LAMAS.

⬆️ Very deadpan. Very layered. Very wrapped in a <code> tag. Very Cannell.

---

Bad-Arse Chic

Chic = stylish and fashionable.

Bad-arse = rude word for the part of your body that you sit on — which is not performing well.

Bad-arse chic = ... 🤷

Specifically, the usage of "bad-arse":

He's an absolute bad-arse.

---

Broadcast in England

Much like Charles Thunderlanes himself, mate — the broadcast history of Renegade in England is out there somewhere, prowling the M6 around Birmingham, impossible to locate officially.

I'm a renegade, innit?

(Disappears from the broadcasting records entirely.)

(Traffic reporter.) We know it's around here somewhere! But where?! 👀 👀

(A distant howl across the Birmingham night. Possibly Charles does it. Thunderlanes, Charles. Not to be confused with the imperial Charles.)

Gatooraaade... ooraade... raade... aade...

Awoooooo...

(Traffic reporter.) 👀 👀 Was that? Do we... look for... Gatorade or Renegade? Do we have wolves in Birmingham? We do?

⬆️ This bit should trigger massive Google searches "wolves in birmingham", "is there wild wolf in birmingham", "birmingham wolf sighting m6", "can wolves survive west midlands".

⬆️ And then "wolves in wolverhampton", "wolves on a449 england", "does wolverhampton produce hamp", "is hamp a word", "are wolves involved in hamp production in wolverhampton".

---

Broadcast in France

In France, "Renegade" was called "Le Rebelle" and first aired on Canal Jimmy on 24th May 1993 at 8:30pm. (More on Le Magazine des Séries)

(Reno Raines de Paris.) Bonjour. Je suis un rebelle, innit?

(Someone.) Oui oui, bien sûr.

(Reno Raines de Paris.) (Rides a Peugeot's bonnet.) Hue! Hue! Cheval magnifique!

Whilst England — mysterious. Two million views. Mostly.

---

The M6

Pardon, M6 isn't Blaise Metreweli's headquarter.

You see,

M6

and

MI6.

So from these lines above:

"...the hard shoulder of the M6..."

"RENEGADE SPOTTED M6 BIRMINGHAM 2:47AM..."

"Charles Thunderlanes... prowling the M6..."

The "M6" part in each did not mean a top secret government facility.

The M6 is a notoriously congested motorway running through the Midlands up to Scotland. It has roadworks near Birmingham that have been ongoing since approximately 1987 (needs plenty of citations).

Not a secret government intelligence agency. That's MI6. Completely different.

And "motorway", that doesn't mean a self-propelled road. It's not a road that moves under its own power, motorised like a giant treadmill. A motorway is simply a high speed dual carriageway road designated exclusively for motor vehicles.

"Carriageway", it means... We stop at that.

To summarise:

• M6 stands for Motorway 6.

  Just designated as the sixth motorway in the British road numbering system.

• MI6 stands for Military Intelligence, Section 6.

  Though technically its proper official name is the Secret Intelligence Service — SIS. MI6 is essentially a nickname that stuck from the old Military Intelligence directorate system.

  Therefore, MI6 = SIS.

  MI6 is the "common name everyone's familiar with".

  SIS is the official name.

• M60 stands for Model 60. (Additional, since it has "M6" in it.)

  The 60 is a sequential number assigned by the US Army Ordnance Corps as weapons were standardised. It was, quite literally, the 60th model designation in that sequence.

  Not the sixtieth motorway model.

---

Secret

"Secret", from "secret intelligence" or "Secret Service" specifically. There're books and whatnots using the paradoxical "secret" too. Essentially, similar.

The SIS, how is it "secret" if... listed. Officially. On the government website. With an address. And a chief. And a public speech. And a Wikipedia page? And it's not just Britain, innit! Everywhere!

(Secret intelligence agencies everywhere.) We're renegades, are we not?

(Gerald from Finance.) No mate, we need to account for every single penny. You lot can't go all covert from the treasury.

I mean any military or other strategic apparatus of a nation is inherently secret to other nations by default, even secret to their own population. That's just basic operational common sense. They don't constantly broadcast their... things to everyone. The word "secret" is essentially just dramatic branding.

And that "The Secret" and other generic titles such as: "Maths Secret for Dummies", "Secret of Household", "Trading Secret", etc.

If it were actually a secret, it would consist of blank pages, then.

Secret Thunderlanes: I'm a renegade, innit?

Hang on, "Maths Secret for Dummies".

Zinc-oxide-covered Charles Thunderlanes would say —

I beg your pardon?

We shall call our customers dummies. Directly. On the cover. In large print.

BUY. OBEY you lot SHALL.

No no, I mean "maths secret". What secret? Is it like "we regret to inform the public that the Pythagorean theorem has been considered top secret since 1987. We can now reveal: it's a² + b² = c². We apologise for any inconvenience"? Or convoluted derivations of definitions on a fictional eyebrow? Or simply blank pages?

We have DECREED. DUMMIES.

I'm a plural?

Like PHYSICS. Is that plural? Ninety-five quid if you please.

So dummies is also a field of study? Study of dummie? Tsk tsk. (Shake head.) I'm sorry, how MUCH?!

BOW DOWN BEFORE US.

Ninety-five quid or bow down? Ninety-five bows?

Right. One bow, two bows... Oh, by thunder. Ninety-three to go.

DUMMIES. QUID. Stop that.

Hey, you're referring to me as dummies. We never use "physics" to refer to anyone. "Oh, you're so physics." Never heard that.

...

---

Charles Thunderlanes says

I bid you good day. 👋

(Proceeds walking into the Tesco.)