Hello. 👋
This 1993 US-Canada telly series with David Carradine (RIP).
The opening music is quite good with the energetic beats, vibraphone (maybe), pipa (or perhaps guzheng), and that erhu (maybe). Interesting flute part.
Composed by Jeff Danna, a Canadian film and TV composer.
Here:
The video says "1992", but it was first aired in 1993.
The Backstory
Did you pay attention at the opening narration? Let me convert that into text. Here:
That is the backstory. Now he faced new challenges.
Right
⬆️ This particular part.
So logically, the Kwai Chang Caine there is the third generation.
Hence I put above:
Kwai CC III: the third generation. ⬅️ "Kung Fu: The Legend Continues" series, in the 90s.
Kwai CC I: the original. ⬅️ In the lore, it's set in 1870. The original "Kung Fu" 1972 US TV series.
Peter C: the cop son. ⬅️ Also "Kung Fu: The Legend Continues" series, in the 90s.
Let's assume the "90s" is 1993, when it was first aired. Thus 1993 - 1870 = 123 years.
Suspiciously, Kwai CC I and Kwai CC III have similar face.
Well, not that similar. But from the opening credits, each was written played by a man called David Carradine.
Surely, those were the same David Carradine in both shows. Surely. No? So in "Legend Continues", that was another David Carradine? Intriguing.
David Carradine
The man was quite associated with Caine from that iconic Kung Fu series. Somewhere, a bloke probably said his name "David Caine" instead of "Carradine". Omit the "rrad", done.
Slow-paced utterance, composed, yet devastating — yet slow — strikes with lightning reflexes — supposedly — and very philosophical with the metaphors, allegories, riddles. And so forth. Wielding his trusty flute, of course.
⬆️ We can't compare him to Brandon Lee (RIP) of course. Because... well, Brandon was... not mystical enough for the entertainment. The mystical quality is very important. Imagine a 5-second fight — Hey, what happened there? I heard something. Where's the action? — Not mystical.
So when he played other characters in other shows, that image was still attached on him — because he just did it the way Caine would act. Rather unique.
David Carradine is comparable to Arnold Schwarzenegger or Sylvester Stallone. Carradine defined a character, the show rocketed, and he was that character throughout his career.
He genuinely threw himself into martial arts and Eastern philosophy for Kwai Chang Caine role, and it clearly meant something to him.
About his tragic death in Bangkok, well... he was VERY eccentric outside filming. Not a lovable persona, a renegade. Carradine had this extraordinary duality. And I guess carrying too much dosh in his last vacation sparked ideas to people who didn't like him.
Mm. Quite.
Dosh
Dosh = cash.
Slang etymology:
-
Some reckon it's simply onomatopoeic — it just sounds like something solid and satisfying hitting a counter.
Dosh. Very weighty. Very financial.A side note about
onomatopoei+a|c⬇️Onomatopoeia (noun)
The act of creating or using words that include sounds that are similar to the noises the words refer to.
Examples: meow, moo, clang, hiccup, vroom, kerplunk, DOSH (maybe).
Example in a sentence: "Oh, onomatopoeia originates from the Classical Greek word ΟΝΟΜΑΤΟΠΟΙΙΑ."
Onomatopoeic (adjective)
(of a word) sounding similar to the noise the word refers to.
Example in a sentence: "Oh, kerplunk is an onomatopoeic word."
-
Others reckon it's from the Russian word дождь meaning rain, pronounced almost "dosh". So the word got on a horse in Moscow, fell off somewhere in Romania, got back on in Hungary, stumbled through Austria, crawled through France, and arrived in London's East End completely unrecognisable and claiming to mean something entirely different.
-
Drunkards reckon it's simply "doss" + "cash" = "dosh". Very straightforward.
Doss = one ingredient of dosh. Well, this word is nonsensical, no French académie protecting the language here.
Back to the Show
Let's get back to the show. All right, similar face, that may happen. Maybe Kwai CC II (the second) looks like Peter C (the fourth). Who knows. But there's that genetic, odd-even facial pattern. Mathematically, it's entirely plausible. With plenty of assumptions of course.
Anyway, who were the... mothers? Their wives? I mean not the wives of the mothers. I mean the mothers of those lads or the wives of those prior lads. Yes yes, more confusing.
And... what's with the similar name for the first and third?
Kwai CC I ➡️ Io sono Kwai Chang Caino!
Kwai CC II ➡️ (unknown.)
Kwai CC III ➡️ Anch'io sono Kwai Chang Caino!
Peter C ➡️ I don't do biscuits.
Indeed, when the camera wasn't rolling, each uttered Italian — with a dramatic Italian hand gesture. Except Peter. He doesn't do biscuits.
We don't know the actual name of Kwai CC II. Perhaps it was Habibi, non-mystical. His oration:
I don't fix appliance, I do plumbing. That's who you are not, that's what I do. I am Habibi. You are not. Maybe yes, but mostly not. (Claps. 👏👏👏)
That's why Kwai CC III mentioned "great-grandfather", not grandfather.
Young Peter C But I want to fight!
Kwai CC III Yé-hé-hé-s. So did your great-grandfather when he was your age.
(This bit below was cut from the series. Because it was never there. ⬇️)
Young Peter C Oh Father, what was grandfather like?
Kwai CC III (Whispers.) He liked PVC, gaffer tape, solvent cement, and so on.
Young Peter C I mean not his liking, what was he like?
Kwai CC III (Whispers.) Like each of those combined.
Kwai CC III (Slowly.) Peter, we do not speak loudly of grandfather. He was... practical.
You know, Habibi should have his own telly show. I guess it will run around one pilot episode, not even until finish that episode. Bloke will tell jokes about polyvinyl chloride and other related chemical compounds constantly. Quite specific.
(Habibi.) Once, there was Methyl Ethyl Ketone walked into a pub. HAHAHA.
(Advertisers.) 👀
(Habibi.) The barman greeted, "Hello, cat one!" The Methyl replied, "Hi!" HAHAHA.
(Advertisers.) 👀
He is Mister Habibi. He will fix your pipes. That is who he is. That is what he does.
🎼 I Am Habibi
The Original Kwai Chang Caine, the Grasshopper
Let's have a detailed glance at the original Kwai Chang.
Shaolin monastery alma mater, celibacy. Romantic relationships were not on the syllabus, arguably heretical. Yet this man produced one son with surgical precision.
One son, precisely one, male offspring. We don't see other children AND THE MOTHERS. I didn't. Well, look. Parthenogenesis?
All right, through parthenogenesis. Which means they are sort of egg-carrying birds, reptiles, amphibians, or fish. The isolation bit makes sense. But they have human shape. Fascinating theory. Let's keep this bit and we shall try other possibilities.
Since having a wife or donating to a cryobank then somehow... managed to find the baby son and raised him... in the monastery, leaving his wife or the woman who... took the "donated seeds", or did he abduct the child?! but how did he know that the baby would have similar face as him?... and other chicaneries would be... hard to imagine... too many stray variables... so let's take the simpler road. Did he have a cloning laboratory?
Suppose he had a cloning laboratory. I don't know how, but he had it.
Founded in 1870 + [a positive integer here]. Presumably Master Po was quite involved. The show didn't tell genetic engineering and biotechnology, but I do.
Let's start with a goat.
(Successful.)
Mm. Yes. That is precision. Now, I will do the procedure.
(Outputs another goat.)
Right. I think a goat version of me is too precise.
⬆️ Imagine the time spent to tweak it. Didn't he wander about solving other people's problem? Slowly?
His slogan, slowly:
I am Caine. I will help you.
That is actually magnificent. But he'd never stumbled upon an IT problem.
I am Caine. I will help you. For IT problem, I start from 1,000. Money. Cheap. You call me now. Telepathically.
⬆️ Very philosophical. His rate starts from 1,000 money. Cheap. Compared to what exactly?
And each generational procedure was always a success, for four generations — until Peter Caine. One son per generation! Well, mother unaccounted for. Hm... Parthenogenesis seems to gain influence.
The Inner Forearm Branding by Heated Ceremonial Urn
Let's talk the physics in this. It is from the original Kung Fu (1972) series.
Let's simply use "pot" rather than "urn". Because what's actually happening is young Caine is essentially grabbing a glorified cooking pot.
So the bloke prepared a hot iron pot with those symbols on it. I'm fairly certain Master Po was behind this. Anyway, the symbols were glowing, meaning... hot. But it was an iron pot. The entire external pot surface would also be... HOT if those particular parts were VERY hot.
He pressed his forearms onto the hot surface and lifted the pot! Imagine the pressure on his skin. Assuming physics was involved in this.
Branding result: FLAWLESS.
I first saw that scene AND the mediaeval-branding result when I was very little, gnome little — from a rerun. And I did question that inside my head. — Hang on, wait! HOW is that... possible?
Would it not be a messy, blistering, irregular burn the shape of the whole pot's base, with the tiger and dragon symbol just being the clearest part of the scar? If he were LUCKY. I mean look at that method, just... put your forearms onto the pot! 🎵 Lift the pot! 🎵 Na na na... na na... na na... na na... 🎵 NA NA NA. 🎵
🎼 Hot Iron Pot
If I were he, I would mask off the skin around the symbol. Such as using a heat-resistant stencil or some sort of protective cover (maybe wet cloth or metal shields) to block the heat from the rest of the iron pot. That way, only the symbol itself would burn into my skin, leaving a sharp, defined scar instead of a big, messy blob.
And most importantly, no need to lift the pot, Mister Caine!
Realistically, his forearms would likely have a burn mark the shape of the whole pot's base.
But it was a flawless result, so I think my technique is irrelevant. Hm. Yes.
Mayhap... they'd invented a custom alloy called —
I'd say Master Po was behind that.
⬆️ The actual Shaolin monks watching this presumably needed a strong cup of tea and a long sit down. Because they're SHAOLIN MONKS, aren't they — they can't just go on Twitter and post "Mate what is this rubbish" like a normal person! Sit down. Breathe. Lotus position. Close eyes. Contemplate the painted bouncy pot. Feel the laughter rising. Suppress the laughter. Contemplate the impossible metallurgy. Feel it rising again. Breathe. And so on.
Nomad
That nomadic feature. The original Kwai Chang Caine was a nomad and also this third philosopher. We don't know about Habibi — the most practical, non-mystical, yet unknown, yet extrapolated, second generation of Kwai Chang Caine.
But because Habibi is a practical character, let's further imagine him had a fixed abode.
Indeed, ABODE. We don't use that in a conversation, do we?
Example:
Hi hi, nice to meet you. So where is your abode?
⬆️ Not going to happen at any time soon by any human aged 0 to 30. — Steve's nan once said "abode". "Welcome to our abode", she said. I was smiling. Then, I was not. I was thinking. The smile faded when I was thinking.
Back to fixed abode — I mean, the PVC supplies. Solvent cement needs containers.
Peter Caine surely lived in... somewhere... fixed. He can't be nomadic too you know. He's a police officer.
⬆️ A police officer doesn't wander about wielding a gunny sack. Unless he's on an undercover mission. But still, needs to report back to a fixed place. Hail, brick number twenty-three. This is the report for the last three days. Ave Caesar!
Gunny sack, as though he were delivering potatoes to a frontier farm. Let's paraphrase it:
A constable doesn't meander about clutching a gunny satchel.
Smaller container, more dignified. Clutching it is a must. Peter Caine the constable: Might one suggest a spot of tea?
⬆️ That train of thought is peculiar, is it going that route or this route? All of them I suppose. Therefore he... is a constable... who doesn't clutch any gunny satchel... who lives at a fixed address, reports to an office, not delivering potatoes (regularly), and offering tea to everyone... regularly.
Mate, how did... either the first Kwai Chang or the third have a wife, or seamlessly abduct that child per generation, or maintain that cloning facility? Oh, parthenogenesis looks even more confident.
I mean the lodging, call of nature, bathe, quid, meals, laundry, and so forth? Surely he needed a regular place to check in. Because he looked... clean in every episode.
Interesting.
There wasn't one episode where he sprinted slightly less than dignifiedly behind a cactus. Perhaps that was the true Shaolin secret Master Po never quite got round to explaining properly.
Grasshopper... when you can snatch the pebble from my hand... you shall also transcend the need for a privy.
Oh, how he can nab a thrown knife and avoid a bullet. Well yes, that... isn't a fantasy for a properly trained fellow. But, with the maintenance of the cloning facility, that should be catastrophic for the lab. Either regularly practise the reflex or maintain the lab. Not both.
Master Po Grasshopper... the centrifuge needs attention...
Kwai CC I But Master, there is a knife! Flying toward me!
Master Po Leave the knife.
So this concludes it. Parthenogenesis is victorious. Firmly.
Master Po
A respectable senior monk with vague role in the monastery. He is young Caine's personal mentor.
So with Caine's flashback bits, Master Po is sort of a Sepia Flashback Subroutine Installer. Stable release. LTS. No known vulnerabilities. Package dependencies? None. Lean architecture. Ships with nothing. Needs nothing.
Master Po was played by Keye Luke (RIP). The actor was born in Guangzhou. Now... well, nobody in Guangzhou came up with "Keye" or "Luke" in 1900s.
After he migrated to US, then he changed his name. But mate, "Keye"? Hang on, "migrated"? As if Keye Luke arriving in America every autumn, returning to Guangzhou every spring by pure instinct. I mean "emigrated". Back to "Keye". "Keye", that sounds like the last part of "okay". Right? Okeye? That's how we pronounce it. /OK[AE]YE?/i ⬅️ that's a regular expression pattern. We regularly express that. Pattern.
Oh, perhaps that's Welsh. Cai ➡️ Kay? Which is actually an old Welsh/Arthurian name, Sir Kay from King Arthur?
No, not really.
Perhaps as such:
What's your name, sir?
Are you ready?
Sure. Go ahead.
Okay. Luke.
Keye Luke, got it, welcome to America! (Written. Branded. Stamped. Sealed.)
Wait wait!
Too late. NEXT.
Aiyah... a name once written cannot be unwritten.
(Completely uninvited Habibi.) 👀 Good process. Clean execution. No unnecessary steps. (Claps. 👏👏👏) Keye, another one, "the ink knows not what it spells" HAHAHA.
(Advertisers.) 👀
They should include that bit in the show.
(Master Po.) Grasshopper... I said "okay" once... and it followed me everywhere.
(Grasshopper.) Indeed. Quite. Your Holiness.
OK (O.K.)
The term "OK" (or "okay") was popularised prior to the 1900s. It first appeared in print in the late 1830s in the United States, as an abbreviation for "oll korrect", a humorous misspelling of "all correct".
It gained widespread use during the 1840 presidential campaign of Martin Van Buren, whose nickname "Old Kinderhook" was abbreviated as "O.K." in the 1840s, whilst the "OK Club" itself was styled without periods. By the mid-19th century, "OK" (without periods) was already becoming the standard.
In short, "OK" was well established before the 1900s in the United States.
And therefore, the "Keye" hypothesis above is set atop a sound foundation. As if this were presented to the Royal Society.
Worldwide Distribution
Did you know it was also aired in France? Both actually, the original Kung Fu and Legend Continues. And they were French dubbed, not merely subtitled. The French weren't having any of that reading malarkey, clearly.
Caine: Bonjour.
That is rather remarkable.
Imagine if it were Cockney dubbed. Well, imagine it. That Peter's speech for one. He should start the line with — Oi, listen 'ere, guv! — The mouth saying — Look — the audio would not be. And the serious — That's who I am ➡️ That's me, innit?
Whilst Caine, his grand — I am Caine. I will help you — line, that should be dubbed —
I'm Abele. I'll give you a hand.
Oh, that's confusing. His name is Kwai Chang Abele now. We need PLENTY of biscuits watching this.
Abele is pronounced ah-bé-lé.
Peter Caine, the NYPD Lad
Peter Caine: leather jacket, attitude, argues with dad, DIFFERENT FACE. Parthenogenetically conceived, almost certainly.
Was Habibi like that? Who knew. But Habibi did diverge from the nomadic-monk route. Still parthenogenetically formulated.
Stating "I don't do kung fu", yet proceeds to do... sort of Hollywood fu constantly throughout the series. Oh, because kung fu ≠ Hollywood fu, so that statement is factual then.
⬆️ Anyway, kung fu (功夫, gōngfu) itself means extensively broad, far beyond just martial arts. In Zhongguo (China), they use "wushu" (武术) when it comes to martial arts. Within wushu, there are hundreds of styles. Kung fu is the bigger, more philosophical tent that covers wushu and a whole lot more.
In Hanguk (Korean) tradition, wushu ≍ muye (무예), refers to Korean martial arts as a whole. And for kung fu... perhaps the combination of suryeon (수련) and gongbu (공부).
🤔
Well, that kung fu-wushu term outside Zhongguo, it's like how I call all sparkling wine "champagne", even if it's not from Champagne. It's just easier that way.
(Pierre.) 👀 Zat iz not ze same zing at all!
👀
Moving on.
It says New York, NYPD. But it was filmed in Toronto, CA. They couldn't go Peter Caine the TPS officer. He'd be polite and absolutely competent. And that, ladies and gentlemen, would not be an attention-grabbing material. Well hypothetically, accepted as a Toronto police officer. I mean most likely, his background check will collapse in between thirty-nine seconds and two hours. Then he sells kebab. And still does that line, "I don't do kung fu. I sell kebab." And adds, "With a bell on my stand by the seashore."
⬆️ "She sells seashells by the seashore." ➡️ "I don't do kungfu. I sell kebab with a bell on my stand by the seashore."
We all need kebabs by the seashore. Assuming Lake Antoria is a sea and the lakeside is a seashore — because he can't just jump to another continent, sticking to one place is practical and economical. And yes, it is Ontario not Antoria. — Where is Lake Antoria? — you may wonder. Well, there is none. Let's go:
Ahhh... the breeze... Such wondrous seashore. Mm mm.
(Peter Kebab.) OI GUV! I don't do kung fu, I SELL KEBAB. Order now! Cheap.
Who in the name of fresh melon are you, mate?
(Peter Kebab.) I'm not me old man. AVE A LOOK! (Showing a photo.)
Well technically, without you showing that photo of a... what is that? I still can deduce that you aren't your... father. Imagine if you AND your dad are YOU.
(Peter Kebab.) (Imagining. 🤔🤔🤔)
So what should I call you? "Not"?
(Peter Kebab.) Yeah, a'right! 'Ow many, darlin'?
How many what?
(Peter Kebab.) Kebab!
You know, those producers, they thought the audience were all carrots.
Let's talk about Peter Caine. 👀 Err, this is within Peter Caine subsection, so yes.
He passed a police background check, did he not? Well, he's a NYPD officer in the show. PETER CAINE! A man whose entire family documentation is:
- Father: exists, probably.
- Mother: unknown.
- Grandfather: also existed, presumably. He may be called Habibi.
- Address: philosophical.
- Nationality: complicated.
- Criminal history: well, great-grandfather allegedly killed a Qing Dynasty royal in 1870 but there's no extradition treaty so...
Birth certificate?
Oh, there was a monastery involved.
Previous address?
Also monasteries, mostly.
What monastery? Address?
Fpprrrt... stop with the details. New York!
Welcome to Toronto. I mean New York! PD!
YES! By the way, do you know kebab? I sell kebab. But I don't do kung fu. Do we have seashore in New York? Because that will be my spot. WITH A BELL ON MY STAND!!
👀
We do. Because this is... well... New York. Presumably. Spot for what? You're a police officer now.
Kebab! Oh yes, very lucrative...
But...
FPRRRTT! New York!
YES! I am a veeendooor, also a-police-officer. Na na na-na na. The money I will make. OH, YES! (Grins.) Such immense money that will be! WITH PENSION! HAHAHA.
👀
One question. Does everyone who sells kebab DO kung fu?
🤔 Possibly.
The NYPD apparently had extraordinarily relaxed hiring standards in the 1990s. According to this show of course. Specifically.
Peter then actually took the tiger and dragon brands in the series finale (third season), becoming a Shaolin priest, and turned in his badge. He didn't really sell kebab, it was just me. I didn't sell kebab either. Well, not regularly. I'm more of a customer than a vendor. A connoisseur.
So he... did what the first and third generations did. Finally. Put your forearms onto the pot 🎵 LIFT THE POT! And so on.
Well then, Habibi says au revoir. 👋
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