This specimen ⬇️
⬆️ That orc.
The modern concept of the orc in entertainment originates largely from J.R.R. Tolkien, who popularised them in The Lord of the Rings as brutish, corrupted creatures bred for war by dark powers. Though inspired by earlier mythological beings such as goblins, ogres, and various demonic entities from European folklore, Tolkien gave orcs a distinct identity — organised, militaristic, and inherently malicious. His influence shaped fantasy literature, tabletop games like Dungeons & Dragons, and video games, where orcs are now a staple enemy race, often portrayed with green skin, muscular builds, and a tribal warrior culture. Over time, variations have emerged, but most still trace back to Tolkien's original wartime allegory.
Biology
We have a race of beings with cranked body-builder default physique. Yet none of the weight-lifting repetitions, proper protein intake culture. Just suddenly... that. Those aren't muscles, I believe. More like lumps of hardened goo from birth. And their normal faces look as if they're in the brink of stroke. Blimey. I guess because of the injected goo which becomes hardened — oh look, side effects. Green. Tusks. Malicious. Organised. Organised? Well I'll be.
(Orc shaman.) Fellow orcs. We gather here because of the goo that gathers us.
(Orc NPCs.) Organised! Organised!
(An orc child.) Organisation!
(Orc NPCs.) 🤨🤨🤨 What mean organ...sashon?
(An orc child.) 👀 Uh-oh... ORGANISED! ORGANISED!
(Orc shaman.) Bryan, stop that.
Tusks
In nature, we'd find a boar. With its majestic tusks.
But when we pay attention to that, a boar has a snout — unlike humans.
Also, this walrus.
Human skeletal (and, most importantly, dental) design is completely daft to be equipped with "tusks" or elongated fangs. That's because those ornaments will obstruct us from biting and chewing the meal.
Sure it looks scary. But from medical view, that's bloody comical.
Ah, perhaps that's the other reason why they have the constipated expression all the time. We'll be like that too when every time we lean forward over a Sunday roast, our tusks clink off the plate like cutlery. Oi, I want to eat steak! (Constipated face.)
Thus understandable if their slogan is "I'll destroy you 😤😡🤬". Who wouldn't have that slogan from waiting for proper solid food in 12 years?
I haven't chewed in over a decade and my dinner sounds like porridge in stereo.
Blender
So I guess orcs consume only smoothies. They can't get rid off the tusks — visual, the aesthetics is their... thing.
If they took the tusks out, they'd be just like Bob. A society of Bobs? Well, I don't mind. In this neighbourhood, we are all accountants.
And rightly so, in Tolkien's universe, the orc society is the inventor of blender. It was first introduced by Professor Skullsplitter and further developed until its current stable release, version Bonechewer. Next year, it will be Gutsnarl as it should solve the glitchy gear-ratio dependencies.
Emitting Loud Noise Before Attack
Not just orcs who do that, almost everything in film, audio-visual entertainment in general. Mutated reptile, enormous moth, fire-breathing rabbit, and so forth. Not in any full moon a lioness would announce to its prey, Oi, maaaaaatteeee! No way. There would be no carnivore, then. Even the snakes would produce sound, Yooooooo, lad! (A squirrel dashes.) Oh, FOOD. How I long to have one. 🤦🐍
Such dramatisation needs a lot of pints.
Zombies
You know, "zombie" in films? With their dangling jaws. Allegedly "eat brains" — but their own jaw is hanging off.
In their awkward realm: food goes in and falls out the neck hole.
Chew: Na possible. Look at my bloody jaw, ya plonker.
Now then. 🤔
I think they need to see Professor Skullsplitter about that.
Braiiin... Bbrraiiin... Eat brain...
Mate, you can't even whistle properly.
Monster with Multiple Mouths
None is aligned. All teeth, no throat — growling about. So how does it eat? That's peculiar.
Oh, hence... no... defecation unit exists. It's all smooth at the back.
Like that Lernaean Hydra from Twelve Labours of Hercules (not Heracles, the OG Greek — Hercules, the Roman).
The Greek version had depth and typical lunacy, the Roman version had biceps. Let's go with biceps. Go biceps! We gather here because of biceps.
Go biceps! 💪💪💪
The unifying chant of every gym, myth adaptation, and action film since 753 BC.
If that hydra had a proper cloaca, no need to after the regrowing heads. But no, the beast has no apparent waste vent. Thus Iolaus brought flamethrower. Oh, what a story.
If the hydra had a cloaca, Bob would mutter, Well? And the hydra would surrender unconditionally in shame. Not quite a mythology, that. The Bob. That sparks no imagination.
Even in Greek mythology, Bob is feared. Zeus hides behind clouds muttering, Don't bring Bob here…
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